Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A few favorite passages

Tonight I wanted to put together a teaching that has been in my heart after attending this weekend's charismatic Catholic conference. But instead I dug up my concordance (the greatest Bible study companion) to look up a few passages that have inspired me or that I remember. I've always had some good old favorites. Ones that most people are familiar with of course. But there are a few that I have struck a cord with me over the last few months. I will share a few of them here. They say us Catholics are not too knowledgeable of The Word but I want to change that. I want to spend more time studying The Word.

Matthew 22: 37 The greatest commandment "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind."

Matthew 22: 39 The second greatest commandment "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 5: 44-48 Love your enemies

Matthew 18: 21-22 How often must I forgive?

John 15: 13 True friendship "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."

Jeremiah 29: 11 An old SFC favorite "For I know well the plans I have in mind for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope."

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 To everything there is a season

1 Corinthians 13 "Love is patient. Love is kind..Faith, hope, and love remain these three, but the greatest of these is LOVE."

Matthew 5: 3-10 The Beatitudes

Matthew 6: 9-11 "...Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done..."

John 3: 16 Who doesn't know this one? "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life."

1 Corinthians 12: 12-26 One Body, Many Parts

Genesis 2: 18- 24 A suitable partner for man

I could probably go on and on forever. There is so much wisdom and truth in The Word. Every answer you need to know is in The Word. It might not be the answer you want to hear or how you want things to end, but it is not about us and what we want. It is about what God has mastered for us. It is about His master plan for us. Believe what is in the Bible. It is The Truth.

Monday, October 27, 2008

How my faith came to be...from the beginning until now

Started Sunday, October 26, 2008
Barnes and Nobles Altamonte Mall
14:30

Continued Monday, October 27, 2008
At home
23:55

As written originally by hand and edited by computer


I sit here at Barnes and Nobles after finishing the Catholic charismatic conference. I am recharged and filled with the Holy Spirit. I sit here having to resort to old-fashioned pen and paper to jot down my thoughts and ideas. Having grown up in a very traditional Catholic home, I have never been without God and faith in my life. I was very fortunate to have attended 13 years of Catholic school and had parents who were strong believers who instilled in us the belief in God and Jesus Christ. After graduating high school, going away to college, and being away from Mom and Dad for the first time, I tried to find peace and happiness on my own, by my own means, without God. I still went to Church but only when I was home with my parents for their sake not my own. I had tried to find peace and happiness through parties, sex, and alcohol. I had a boyfriend for 4 ½ years through college and I thought I was happy. I had tons of friends on campus through many organizations. I had gone to the best parties and drank with the best of them. I even had an active sex life, which I never had in high school. I thought I had known happiness but what I knew was only pleasure of the body and flesh. Deep down I only knew anger, hurt, depression and despair. But I was able to mask and hide all that behind the temporary happiness of parties, sex, and alcohol. I was not living a life for God. I was living a life I thought was pleasing to me. I did not know true love. I did not know true happiness. What I knew was temporary and fleeting. One day I decided to turn my life back to God. I started to go back to Church. I got involved in a Bible study through my roommate Eric. I started to get involved in Church again. I became a lector and involved in Newman club. I started to discover God and faith again. I even found Alpha a retreat group through Church where I was able to share and witness about God’s truth. I even had Catholic Student Fellowship where I was able to praise and worship God in a new way. I thought I had it all. I had God in my life again but I was still hurt, angry and bitter. I still had known depression and despair. Something was missing. I did not know it or what it even was. I did not know true peace or true happiness. I did not have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I went through life with this faith that I thought was faith filled and inspired faith but it was just the start. The foundation for a faith that was to be alive in the Spirit. In October 2006 I moved to Orlando, FL. It is here that I discovered truth faith and true peace and happiness. I had lived many years in Naples, FL with friends who shared my faith. I was involved in Church and Church related groups. I had faith. I had known faith but it was lacking in something. I still knew anger, bitterness, depression, and despair. I continued to mask and hide it. I was thinking this is the best that it is going to get. I was wrong. God had more in store for me. He had greater plans for me. I did not know it yet but God was preparing me to be a true witness to His awesome power and truth. After a few months in Orlando, I began searching and seeking faith groups where I could continue to grow in my faith and in God’s love. I had heard about a young adult’s ministry in Altamonte Springs through an usher at Church. So immediately contacted them. They sent me email with information on group events. In one of the emails there was information about a talk on single life through another group called Singles for Christ. I wanted to know more about what God had in store for me as a single and how I could move from single to married. So I contacted Juve about the event. God led me to the SFC event. I was not looking for SFC but He led me to them. While I was at this event they handed me an invitation to their upcoming Christian Life Program in April 2007. I did not know what it was about but I thought I’d give it a try. All the while I tried to connect with the group from Altamonte Springs but I was not able meet with them. I was able though to attend more and more SFC events. I had missed a couple of sessions of the CLP but they were gracious enough to arrange make-up sessions for me. I did not know that this would be the start of something great and something new. I did let God continue to guide me. In June 2007 I finally finished all the make-up sessions of the CLP. I had "graduated" from the first step of the SFC formation process. But I was not ready to take on such a group. I was not ready to be a part of a group of powerful believers. I did not think I was worthy enough. My faith did not compare to others in the group. I told Juve at one of the household meetings that I did not think I could be a part of SFC. I had faith but I knew it was lacking in something. I was weak. I was not strong enough. I kept attending households. I kept going to SFC events. The more I attended the more God began to work in my life. The more He began to mold me and create in me anew. I was becoming transformed in Jesus Christ. In November 2007 I attended a Life in the Spirit seminar given by Father William Halbing at Holy Family Catholic Church. He spoke of the Second Coming. After hearing him speak, I started to feel a change. A change in my heart. I began to feel closer to God. I began to feel like the beginnings of a new and transformed relationship with Jesus Christ. I began to feel the healing power within me. The next night there was a healing service. I asked to be healed of my depression and despair and my bipolar disorder. I asked to be healed from painful memories. Father Halbing lay his hands on me and I was overcome with the Spirit. I fell back to the ground. I lay on the ground breathing very deeply. I could feel the healing graces of our Lord running through my body. I knew was being healed. I did not know how deeply but I knew I was being healed by the power of the Holy Spirit. Over the course of the next few months God continued to mold me and heal me. He continued to create in me anew. I was becoming transformed by Him. By May 2008, God’s transformation had really begun in me. I was able to speak His words and truth. I was being used as His tool and His instrument. At the end of CLP that spring, Tina had asked me to give the last talk on Transformation in Christ. I could not have been asked at a better time or moment in my life. I spoke of being transformed in Jesus Christ. I spoke of healing that could only come from God and God alone. After speaking of a faith that was incomplete and lacking in something, I was finally able to speak of a faith full and complete through a healing from the Holy Spirit. My faith was no longer lacking in anything. I have been blessed with many gifts from the Holy Spirit. One of them is the ability to speak of His truth through my witnessing on how He has changed my life. Through my testimony on how I became healed and transformed, I am able to minister to others. I am also able to speak of His truth through teachings that come from God and God alone. They are teachings on His truth. Teachings that are not my words but His teachings you will find in this blog and on my network sites. All of them come from God and God alone. I am not humanly able to write such truth except through faith. My lips, tongue, and writings are blessed by God. His truth is magnified in my writings. It is all of God and not me. No human is able to write in such a way if it were not of God. It all comes from God. Having attended the Catholic Charismatic retreat this weekend I was reaffirmed in faith my calling to minister. I am called to minister through this blog and through SFC. I am called to minister to everyone I meet. I want everyone to see that God lives within me. I want everyone to see that I am a believer. I want everyone to know I am in love with Jesus Christ. I want to be a living example of God's love. I also feel a great call to the charismatic side of Catholicism. It was not a hard transition to charismatic having grown up in a very traditional Catholic home. I felt like I fit in. I feel at home. I feel a greater connection to God and my faith through the charismatic ways. SFC helped start that interest and attending the conference helped to reaffirm it. I am more in love with Jesus Christ having experienced my faith in this new way. I am more alive. I have a greater understanding for Catholicism as a charismatic. I felt caged and cooped up in the traditional Church. But with charismatic I have a greater joy in my faith and a greater love for God. I feel that I am more able to express my faith and show everyone I am a believer. I wear it on my sleeve. I wear it so everyone can see it. It is great to be a part of SFC and charismatic groups. I hope to get more involved and explore it more deeply. My journey with Christ does not end here. It continues on. I am molded and created anew every day. I am transformed in Christ every day. This is just the start. This is just the beginning. I have many years ahead of me and I hope many years of change and growth in the Spirit. I look forward to next years conference. I cannot wait to be recharged again. Praise God! God is good...All the time! All the time...God is good!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Take a step back and slow down

Last night I was talking to my friend Tina and I was telling her how busy my life and has been and will be for the next few weeks. After moving into the new house and vacation, work has been extremely busy. I worked 52 hours after coming back from vacation and I'm on my way to another 50+ hour work week. Next week will be more of the same. You think the weekends were meant for relaxing but last weekend was the CLP and this weekend is the charasmatic conference and spiritual night at Annunciation. I'll be lucky to be able to rest the following couple of weekends. I've been keeping myself VERY busy and spreading myself thin. I have to be reminded every once in a while to slow down. I have to be reminded I can't do it all. Before ending our conversation my friend Tina read me a prayer. It is so me. It is how I've always lived my life and how I need to be reminded to slow down. I post it here to share with everyone to remind them to please slow down and enjoy the world outside and what God has given us with each new day. Take time to relax and breathe and smell the roses.

Prayer to slow down

Life moves to fast for me, Lord. I rush through work weeks of full schedules and fill my leisure time with meetings and social gatherings. All of what I do has merit. I tell myself I must earn a living, must spend time with family and friends, must serve my Church and community. Yet I seem to have forgotten where business becomes simply busy-ness and where obligation overrides common sense. Keep in my mind the Holy Family at Nazareth, the quiet atmosphere of work and prayer in which Christ's greatness grew. Keep me focused on the quality rather than the quantity in what I do. Guide me toward a simpler lifestyle in which I appreciate more what is here, and in which I work less to fill my time with things I don't need. May I listen again to the eternal truths of Christ within me. Bring me back to that balance of body, mind and spirit where I can find myself, my Christian values, and Christ once again. Amen!

Thanks Tina for sharing and reminding me to slow down and that I can't do it all!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

To the Ends of the Earth

Group: Hillsong
Cd: United
Song: To the Ends of the Earth

To the Ends of the Earth

Love unfailing
Overtaking my heart
You take me in
Finding peace again
Fear is lost in all you are

And I would give the world to tell you're story
'Cause I know that you've called me
I know that you've called me
I've lost myself for good within your promise
And I won't hide it
I won't hide it

Jesus, I believe in You
And I would go, to the ends of the earth
To the ends of the earth
For you alone are the son of God
And all the world will see
That You are God
You are God

This song gets stuck in my head a lot. I would do anything for God. I put all my trust in You, my God. I hope and pray that all will see You as God of all.

All Because of Jesus I'm Alive

Group: Casting Crowns
CD: The Altar and the Door
Song: All Because of Jesus

All Because of Jesus

Giver of every breath I breathe
Author of all eternity
Giver of every perfect thing
To You be the glory

Maker of Heaven and of earth
No one can comprehend Your worth
King over all the universe
To You be the glory

And I am alive because I’m alive in You

It’s all because of Jesus I’m alive
It’s all because the blood of Jesus Christ
It covers me and raised this dead man’s life
It’s all because of Jesus
I’m alive I’m alive, I’m alive

Every sunrise sings your praise
The universe cries out your praise
Singing freedom all my days
Now that I'm alive

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive.

This is the song I used when I gave my Transformation in Christ talk last June. It describes perfectly how I felt when God began transforming me into a new creation. It explains how I feel about my relationship with Jesus Christ.

It's all because of Jesus I'm alive!!

Healing

God is so amazing. Agreed? We all can agree that God is truly an amazing God. Through God all things are possible. Even healing. Healing in ways that we never would expect. I know for me I have experienced healing in the most amazing ways. When I gave my revised testimony in June for Singles for Christ I spoke of a healing of the past and memories of the past. I spoke of a healing and peace that I had never known before God. I have always had a faith in God but I had never allowed Him to come in and heal that part of my life. I searched many different avenues both high and low. I tried all kinds of things that were of the human understanding and nothing worked. When I finally offered up to God and asked Him to heal those memories and the pain, He came and brought me a sense of peace that I had never known before. I had finally been able to accept the past and no longer feel hurt by it. Old wounds were finally healed and I was finally able to be at peace. I no longer think about it. I no longer think of myself as a victim but a survivor. He has given me the strength to finally have survived it. Through Him I was able to accomplish nearly the impossible. I never thought that I'd come to terms with it. I always thought that I'd live my life as a sexual abuse victim. I am no longer a victim. I no longer live out the memories in my head. God has brought me a sense of peace and healing. God has given me the ability to move on and allowed me to use it as my tool to witness to others about His amazing power and grace. It no longer looms over me like a shadow. God can heal you of anything if you pray for it and desire it.

I remember talking in my testimony about how God has healed me. When I spoke of it in the testimony though I was only referring to my experience of the past and the post traumatic stress disorder. I had never thought or expected that God would heal me of the bipolar as well. I had prayed for it. I had truly desired it but I didn't think it was even at all possible. The first time I asked for it was in November 2007 when I had attended a healing service at Holy Family Catholic Church. I asked for healing of the bipolar but I didn't think it all possible. I always thought that I would be dependant on medicine for the rest of my life. I had desired healing though. I hadn't found the right way to pray for it or ask for it but I had wanted it so bad. I didn't want to be dependant on medicines the rest of my life. My friends had been mentioning that someday I might be able to be off medication but I didn't really believe that it was possible.

Boy was I wrong! About 2 months ago, I was having trouble at work. I was having trouble thinking clearly and I felt my reaction time was slow. I felt i was thinking and reacting slow. My numbers at work were reflective of that. I thought I would just bounce back and I'd get back on top of things eventually. At the beginning of August I was put on performance probation and I had little time to improve my numbers. My job was on the line and I knew I had to do something about it. I had to take action to make some changes at work or else I'd lose my job. The next day I had decided that I would just go off all my medication completely. The psychiatrist had already taken me off a couple of my medications due to lack of compliance and not having any major episodes or side effects. I didn't realize that the lack of compliance without any episode or side effect was the precursor to being off of medication entirely. I didn't know that God was building me up to be off of medication completely. When I was put on probation I had decided that I would discontinue the two remaining medications cold turkey. I felt it was slowing me down. I really felt that I could use the mania to boost my numbers. God showed me that I didn't need the medication. The first day at work after being medication free was a slow day. But the 2nd day and the days following were totally different. I was able to be more alert at work. I was slowly starting to pick up my numbers. By the end of the first 3 weeks, my average had gone up from 27 to 33. I had been so excited because I had been completely off medication and I wasn't experiencing any mood swings whatsoever. When I went back to the psychiatrist, I told him about my decision to go off medication and the healing power that God had done. Lucky for me he is a devout Catholic as well and he agreed to let me go off medication. I have been completely off medication for more than 2 months now and I show NO signs of bipolar. I have not had any mood swing or episode since before going off medication completely. I have not had that much anxiety either. I have been able to do without any anxiety medication as well. I am so blessed. I had desired healing but I had not found the words to ask for it. But God knew it was what I had desired and He healed me. Not only have I been healed of the wounds of the past but of the bipolar as well.

God is truly an amazing God and I am thankful for all He has done in my life. I am thankful for the transformation that He allowed to happen and continues to make happen in my life. But I am most thankful for the gift of healing and the healing of the wounds which have burdened me most of my life. God is truly an amazing God. I am always reminded that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him.

Remain faithful to God in all that you are and all that you do and He will remain faithful to you.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Prayers

Isn't it amazing how God knows our hearts and our deepest desires? He knows everything that we are hoping for before we even pray for it. He knows it even when it is just a mere thought in our minds. It is way back in the deepest part of our mind yet God knows it and knows that we desire it. Before we even utter the words in prayer God has already heard our prayer. He has already started to answer it before we are even able to formulate it into words. If God desires for it to be then He answers the prayer. If it is not of God's ultimate plan then He will reveal that to us too. In whatever way He reveals the truth we always know that His way is the best way. We realize that His way is far better than anyway than we ever could have planned or imagined. God is an awesome God and He reveals those truths to us. Don't stop praying. Keep praying for your deepest desires. If God wants them to happen, He'll make them happen in His way and in His own time. Answers to your prayers don't come when you want them to happen or even how you want them to happen. They are answered in God's way in His own time. They might not be answered how you want them to be answered or how you had it planned out in your head, but you will realize that His way and His answer is the right one. God hears and answers all our prayers. He just does it in His own way. Sometimes God's greatest gifts are what we think are unanswered prayers. We often don't realize that what we think are unanswered prayers is just God's way of revealing His truth. We think that just because we didn't get the answer we wanted to hear that our prayer isn't answered. But if we stop and think and look at the truth that God has revealed then we will see that He in fact has answered the prayer. God is a loving and caring God. He answers all our prayers. We have to be open to hear HIS answer and not expect our own solution. Be open to God's truth. Open your heart and mind to hear what He is telling you. Don't expect an answer but be open to the truth that He is going to reveal.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Thank you for inspiring me!

The two people who have inspired me to desire to know God more the most have been my Mom and my Mama Edad. Both have showed me a faith that is committed to God. They have showed me a faith that is strong.



I was very blessed to have grown up in a very Catholic home. I have had a very strong Catholic foundation. I have been blessed to have been able to attend 13 years of Catholic school. That education helped build the foundation for my strong Catholic faith. Mom in her faith has helped lay the foundation for my own faith. She grew up in a strong Catholic home where she had a good foundation. She carried that into her own family. When Mom joined the Daughters of Saint Francis de Sales, she gained a fire that I wanted. She had a faith so strong and I wanted to experience it too. She had gained a peace that I wanted to share in. Before I came to know God, she tried to light that fire in me by bringing me to a few of her monthly meetings. At the time I did not realize it but it is what started the fire in me for my own faith.



Mama Edad has always been one of my true inspirations. Not just in faith but in life. She has always been one of my heroes. She is an amazing woman. She has always been so humble. She taught so much growing up. She taught us arts and crafts. Her faith in God has inspired me. I love going to Church with her. She carries her little prayer books with her. She has her little prayers written in them. She is such an amazing woman that has been the matriarch of our family. She raised 6 children -- 5 daughters and one son. She has 19 grandchildren and 17 great-grandchildren. We have always had a close bond me and her. She holds a very special place in my heart.

Others who have inspired me through SFC

1 Tina
2 Juve
3 Ate Dobbie
4 Ate Chelly
5 Cathy J
6 Judylyn
7 JE
8 Christine

SFC has inspired me to grow in my faith. SFC has been there to love and support me in my growth and transformation in Christ. I am so lucky to have found such a good group where I can hold myself accountable. It is so amazing because now I am able to inspire those who have inspired me.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Looking at the past through the eyes of the present

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster. Written on October 9, 2008

Text sent Thurs, October 9, 2008 1:53pm while at Starbucks on 5th Avenue in Naples, FL to several friends

"Vacation in Naples has been a healing experience. I can look back at the past thru the eyes of the present. I continue to be healed thru God's mightly graces"

Looking at the past through the eyes of the present is phrase I came up with one night talking to JE. It something I have been able to do these last few months since God has transformed me and created me anew. I am better able to deal with the past and anything that remains because I can see them through the eyes of a someone who has been healed and transformed by God. No longer am I hurting by what happened in the past. All old wounds have been healed. I am a new person.

Coming back to Naples for my vacation has been a healing experience. I've been back in Naples on several ocassions but never for this long. I am usually here for 2 or 3 days which is never long enough to really go around and see the sights. This time I really had a chance to go out and see the sights. This time I really had a chance to go and visit my old stomping grounds and see old friends I haven't seen or connected with in a long while. I really had a chance to look back on my life and where I was and where I've been. But I wasn't looking back on my life with respect to the past but through the eyes of the present. I am able to look back on my life and see how far I've come and how much I have grown and changed. I realize that no matter how hard my life was, no matter what I went through, it was all necessary for me to experience it all in order for me to find God. If I never experienced all the pain and heartache and anger then I would have never known God's love. My life here in Naples wasn't all bad but it wasn't all good either. I had my share of ups and downs here. But I did not have the peace that I have now. While here in Naples, I have been able to reconnec with people who have had the most influence in my life. I have been able to bear witness to them of how I have found peace through God and through God alone. They can really see a new person, a transformed person, a person created anew in Christ. Every day I am changed and created anew in Christ. My vacation in Naples has been no exception. As I drive around Naples and visit places I used to go, drive past places so familiar, and see friends who have changed my life, I am reminded of my old life and healed again and again. God gave me the will to choose and I chose to be here in Naples for a long time. The whole time I was here He was nudging me to the right direction but He let me come to that realization in my own time. He brought me through all this so that in the end I would find Him there waiting for me. He never left me or forsake me. Along the way I met people who have changed my life. Some of whom are still part of my life no matter how much time passes since I have talked to them last. Along the way I experienced both good times and bad. Living here in Naples was a necessary stop in coming to know the Lord. I chose to live here and God watched over me and protected me while I was here. He allowed me to meet people like David and Taryn through our Collier Catholic Singles group. They are two people whose friendship has meant so much. They are two people God put in my life to nudge me in the right direction. He put Ron and Anne in my life to help me learn about love and acceptance. He put them in my life to teach me about sincere friendship. Seeing friendship through their eyes has taught me a lot about genuine friendship. Naples was a good experience and necessary experience for me to come to know the Lord. While I was here I knew of the Lord and who He was but it wasn't until now that I have come to KNOW the Lord. I have come to know Him on a personal level. I have a personal relationship with Him. I have seen the Lord face to face in my new experiences with him. The past is a part of me. It will always be a part of me. I can NEVER change that. But I can see it now through the eyes of a new and transformed person in Christ. All of those experiences --- from childhood through Naples --- were necessary for me to find God. I had to endure them so that I could be built into the person that God intended fo rme to be. The whole time God was there. He NEVER left me behind. He was waiting for me to reach out and ask Him to lift it from me. I finally had the strength to ask God to lift this heavy burden from me. He lifted not just the pains of abuse but EVERYTHING. Bipolar and EVERYTHING. Even before I prayed for it. Even when it was just a mere thought in my mind. Even when the idea was just born in my mind then Lord was already working on answering that prayer. Not in my way but in His way. A way that He would show me is the right way. God is an amazing God. He heals us every day. He mends our brokeness. He truly is an amazing God.

This is what a friend of mine responded after reading the text that I had sent while at Starbucks "Truly God has been faithful to u as u are to Him." This is so true. I am faithful to God in everything I do and return God has been faithful to me. For this I am grateful. For this I am blessed.

Thank you God for the gift of every day healing!

Surrender to God's Will

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster. Written September 19, 2008

Have you surrendered yourself to God's will? Have you put all your faith and trust in the Lord? I have one piece of adivce... Surrender yourself to God's will. You'll never forget the day that you did. I am at a point in my life where I have totally and completely surrendered to God's will. I am no longer in control of my destiny. It's in the hands of God now. It's not about what I want or how I want it, but what God has planned for me and how He wants it done. It's His will not mine. I had plans in my head on how my life should be and where I wanted to go. I thought I knew what I wanted and how I wanted to get there. I had designed a plan for myself based on what I wanted and how I wanted it done. I now know that it's not about what I want and how I want it done, but what God wants and how He wants it done. I have surrendered to His way and His will and His ultimate plan for me. I have come to realize that His will is far better than any plan in my mind or any master plan of my design. His way is far better than any way we could have planned it. He makes all things happen in His time and His way and in ways that are best for us. He knows what is best for us. He allows all things to happen to us both good and bad. He allows them all to happen to make us stronger people and to witness to His awesome power. A lot of things have happened in my life. Both good things and bad things but they all happened by the grace and will of God. They have happened to make me a stronger person so that I can witness to God's grace. I have allowed God to use me and mold me into the person that He meant for me to be. I am becoming the person God has always wanted me to be. I have had faith before. I have always believed in God. I have had strong foundation in faith all my life. But I have NEVER have had tasted life like this. My life could not be going better than it is now. Sure I have my bad days. Life isn't always good times, but now I am better equipped to handle the bad days. I turn around and offer it up to God and He carries me through it. I put my trust and faith in Him and He gets me out of the bad times. He sees me through it. He guides me along the way. I offer it all up to Him. I allow Him to mold me. I am 100% open to His way and His will for me. I have opened my heart and my life to Him and I am in a much better place for it. I am happy. I have never been this happy. I couldn't want or hope for anything more in my life than what God has planned for me in the last few weeks. Life has never been this good. I have never been this happy. I have known peace and happiness before. In the past I had tried to obtain this same sense of peace and happiness in my, but on my own. I tried my will and my way, but it wasn't until I left it all up to God did I obtain that ulitmiate sense of peace and healing. He has done so many things in my life. I am a different person than I was this time a year ago. I am a different person than I was a few weeks ago. God has transformed me and He continues to do so. This transformation is not over. It goes on and on. He has healed me in ways I have not expected or even hoped for. He has changed and molded me in ways that I have not even yet prayed for. They were just mere thoughts in the back of my mind, but only God and God alone knew what was best for me. And He made them happen. He knew what was in my heart of hearts and He changed me. I have grown so much in the spirit over the last few months. I am so alive in the spirit. God ives in me. I live each day for God. I try and live out God's will for me everyday. I owe my life to God. I owe everything to Him. I owe my life and happiness to Him. I never knew life could be this good. I never knew I could have this much happiness in my life. I never knew I could have this much peace in my life. I can barely look back and imagine what my life was like before I knew God. The pain and struggles of the past will always be a part of me, but I'll never forget the day that I surrendered to God's will. I'll never forget it because that's the day I really began to live. Everything is just falling into place as God has it planned for me. I am truly thankful for all the family and friends who have inspired me on this journey. I am thankful for Johnerick and Christine who have been there for me through thick and thin. They have been there for me when I was down and out and it the pit of pits. They have been there to love and support me no matter what I was going through in my lfe. They have been my rock and support. I am thankful for people like Tina, Juve, Cathy J, Ate Dobbie, and Ate Chelly for inspiring me to have faith. For witnessing the awesome power of God and how He has worked in their lives. I saw all the amazing things He has done in their lives and I was inspired to strive for that same peace and happiness that can only be obtained by knowing the Lord.They have set an example for me of what it means to have faith. I never knew I could have faith like this. I never knew I could know and love the Lord as I do today. I never knew that I could be such an awesome witness to His awesome power. I could go on and on forever abuot how amazing God has been in my life, but I do have to get some rest and get to bed. I'm sure I'll write more later. I'm sure I'll have more to share about how God has continued to mold me and change me. I want to continue to be that light for Him. I want other to see the peace I have in my life and I want them to desire it.I want them to know that they can have it too. Just have to surrender to God and His will. You won't reget it.

I owe it all to God

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster. Written on September 17, 2008

Amazing how your life changes when you put all your trust in the Lord. Its amazing how He can make things happen when you least expect it. It is awesome when you hope and pray for something to happen a certain way and God makes it happen but in His own way. You then come to realize that His way was far better than your way. It's not about our will but about God's will. He'll make things happen on His own time. We have to be open to His ways. We have to open to let Him work in us. We have to let God mold us and use us as His instruments. He'll make things right. He'll make things better. He'll get you through all the hard times. You have to ask Him and He'll take care of you. He always has your best interest at heart and He'll provide for you in ways you never knew or even expected. He'll give you blessing you didn't even ask for but He knew you needed them. He's an awesome God and He always is there to provide for us and guide us every step of the way. We have to ask God to be there with us and for us. We have to ask Him to help us do His great works whether its at work or through a Church group.

Life for me could not be any better than it is right now. A lot of things have changed for me over the past few months even the past few weeks. God has made some changes in my life. Some I had prayed for since I was young and some I didn't even ask for. One thing I did ask for was for Him to help me with my work so that I could be more productive. I already knew that I could produce quality work, but I wasn't able to meet productivity standards. My average was below 30 and well below the team average. I knew I was at risk but I didn't know that they were going to take action on it. Soon after my mid-year review, I was put on performance probation. This was a major stress for me because I had already been on attendance probation. I knew my job was on the line and if I didn't do something to make some drastic improvements then I could be out of a job. I was down. I was depressed. I was scared. My job was at risk and I knew I couldn't afford to lose it. The weekend after I was put on probation was CFC family assembly and while I was there I asked for Brother Stephen, Sister Myra, Ate Dobbie and Christine to pray over me. To give me the peace I needed to succeed at work and keep my job. They prayed over me and I cried. Brother Stephen talked to me for quite sometime about putting it in God's hands and letting Him carry me through this. I knew this was going to be hard. I had never thought about bringing my faith into my work. Work was work and my faith was faith and I didn't see how the two mixed. But I had to do something. So I prayed and asked God to get me through this. I asked Him to help me do better at work and be able to be more productive without forsaking the quality of work I do. The first day after was tough. I still had low numbers but as the days continued the numbers began to get higher and higher. Soon I was processing just over 30 per day which was already 5 more than I was averaging before. Within the first 3 weeks my average was already up to 33 which was just shy of the 10 per day increase that I needed. I continued to ask God for guidance and He saw me through it. He's there right beside me. Today I had another evaluation and my average is already up to 43. At this pace not only will I meet the probation goal of increasing my average by 10 per day, I'll also have reached the benchmark. I'll be averaging just about 45 per day which is what they expect of us. By the end of the year, I'll be averaging well over what they expect of us. I'm working my way not only getting off this probation but I'm working toward a bonus and raise at the end of the year. With the quality of work I do and the number I am producing, I have become a better tech who ranks right up there with the rest of the team. I'm right there at the team average and it's only going to get better from here.

When I gave my transformation in Christ talk a while back ago I spoke mainly of healing from the pains of the past. Healing and peace that I have never had in my life. I had finally come to accept the past and forgive and move on. It had been a long time coming and I never knew that God and God alone could heal me of the pain and anger that I held deep inside. I wasn't asking for healing but God granted me healing. He healed me not only of the pains of my past but of my bipolar, too. I didn't ask for it but He gave it. I have been med free for more than 6 weeks now and I feel great. I feel like a different person. I truly believe that a miracle has taken place and God has healed all the brokenness in my life. I am finally at peace. Everything in life is starting to fall into place. I have never felt this happy or this at peace. I know matter what life has in store whether it is good or bad I am better equipped to handle it. Better equipped because I have God and Jesus on my side who have been there for me and carried me through some of the toughest times of my life. My faith in God has grown tremendously. I am truly thankful for all that God has done in my life and for the many blessings He has blessed me with. God is truly an awesome God. He raises the dead and brings them back to life. I was so full of anger and bitterness and now there is nothing left but peace and comfort and healing. He has come and washed away all my sin and guilt. He has cleansed me. I am whole again. Everyday He is transforming me. Everyday He is revealing His awesome power whether its through work or friends. Everyday I'm able to see the awesome power of God. I continue to let him mold me and change me. I continue to look to SFC and the rest of my Christian friends for support and to lift me up. I have come not only to know of the Lord but to know the Lord. I have a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him and I'm thankful. He has made wonderful changes in my life and I'll forever be thankful.

I cannot begin to put into words how it feels to be alive in Christ although I have written quite a lengthy note. . I am so alive in Christ right now. I am so in love with Jesus Christ. Life is great. Everything is just falling into the right place. God has been so good to me and I am blessed. I owe my life to God. I owe this new found happiness to God and God alone. For a long time I wasn't ready to accept healing and change, but God was always there ready and waiting for me to give my life to Him I wasn't ready to surrender to His will. Slowly but surely He molded me and healed me. I have given my life to Him. I owe Him all the thanks and praise that He deserves. There once was a time when I thought I couldn't count my blessing on one hand and now I have not enough fingers and toes to count the many blessings I have in my life. God is truly an awesome God. Thank you God for everything you have blessed me in my lifetime but especially in the last few weeks. God you are an amazing God. I am thankful to know you and have that personal relationship with you. Thank you for never turning your back on me even though I have turned my back on you many times in my life. You have never forgotten mo or forsaken me. I am thankful to you for everything and the presence you are in my life. Without you Lord I am no one. I am nothing without you. Thank you for changing my life and healing me everyday! I love you Lord!

Alive in Christ again

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster blog. Written September 13, 2008.

Last night I attended our Singles for Christ joint household. I love attending households because they fill me up with God's graces. I feel so empowered by God as we sing praise and worship and pray together. It's an awesome feeling when God comes and fills you up with His awesome power and love. Last night, of course, was no different. It all started with a short prayer. I could feel God already entering my heart and filling me up. Then we sang a few songs of praise and worship. I really could feel my heart filling with God's awesome power and love. I felt refreshed. I felt renewed. I felt alive. When we broke up into our small groups I continued to be filled with God's awesome love and power. When I had the chance to pray out loud I could feel the passion for God in my voice. I felt so on fire for the Lord. I felt like Brother Carl on Soul Central at Wave Church in Virginia Beach. The more I prayed the more passionate I got. I could feel God moving through me and speaking through my mouth. It was my voice but it was God's words being spoken. God was truly using me as an instrument to minister to my felow brother and sisters. He was using me as an instrument to pray in thanks for His many gifts and for my friends and family. He was using me to speak of the wonderful gifts He has blessed me with in my life. I am so thankful for all these gifts. I am thankful that I can be a witness to God's awesome works. I am thankful for the changes He has made in my life. I am thankful for SFC which helps me to feel renewed in Christ. With every household, I am refreshed and renewed in Christ. I am transformed all over again. I can feel God working through me to continue to change me and heal me. Last night's household helped me to realize that I am a work in progress. My faith is continously growing and changing. With each passing day I grow more and more in love with Jesus Christ. The teaching helped me to see that I still have much work to do in my faith. Singing praise and worship and being able to pray outloud helped me to feel alive and empowered, but when I heard the teaching on loving our enemies I was brought back down to reality. I felt a little deflated even. I was so high on God's love but then felt that I was brought back down to the present. Although I had been deflated, I was still alive. Aliive in Christ. I was reminded that every day we work on our relationship with Christ. Everyday we grow. If and when the day comes when I am no longer growing in my relationship with Christ, then I must be dead. I must have hit that peak in my relationship when I am able to be home and one with the Lord. I am so thankful for the gift of faith. As I was sharing last night about how thankful I am for the changes God has made in my life I could see my fellow SFC sisters and brother acknowleding my growth in the Lord. I am thankful to be able to share this experience with them. I am thankful that they are present in my life. I am renewed in Christ at each household and I'm glad that the other members of SFC are there to see in my contiuous transformation. When I was sharing about how awesome this experience has been I could see my friend Tina looking a back at me and smiling. I know she was smiling because she has seen a great change in me. She has been there to witness to my growth and see how God has changed me and changed my lfe. I am so glad that I can be a light for others. I am so glad that I have found friends in SFC who have been there to be a witness to all the changes that God has made in my life. I was once lost and confused, but the Lord kept calling me by name. He kept calling me closer and closer to Him. And finally I heard and was drawn to Him. I am finally at home and at peace. The Lord continues to call my name. I am continuously transformed. My transformation in Christ continues. I am being transformed over and over again. I am renewed in Christ.I am being healed everyday through Christ. I am thankful for this change that God has made in my lfe. I am thankful for SFC. I am thankful that I am empowered in Christ. I am thankful that I am alive!

New Testimony

This is the edited version of the original testimony. I edited it to incorporate it into my Transformation in Christ talk given June 23, 2008 for SFC as the last talk of the Spring 2008 CLP. What an amazing experience it was to give this testimony and bear witness to God's awesome power and abundant graces and blessings with my parents. It was a huge healing for us all. I am glad to share it here with everyone to read.

The NEW testimony

I am alive and I had to share it.

I wanted to tell you all how alive I feel. I feel so alive in the spirit. I feel so in love with Jesus Christ right now. I’m more in love than I have ever felt with anyone even another human being whether it is family or a boyfriend or in a relationship. I owe a lot of it to SFC and my experiences that I have shared here. Since joining SFC, I have felt alive and I am filled with the spirit. The last 6 months have been even better. I've never felt this alive. Not just alive in the spirit, but alive with life. I can feel myself breathing in life with every breath that I take. It's amazing. My life has turned around. When I first joined SFC, I was angry and bitter. Although I grew up Catholic and was a devoted follower, I was not ready to fully accept Jesus Christ. I didn’t think that I could be apart of this group. I was focused on the wrong things. I was focused on being single and how miserable I was and not on Jesus Christ. Events of my past had made me this very angry and bitter person. Growing up as a victim of sexual molestation for many years made me angry with God. I often wondered why God let something like this happen to me. Years later I was hoping to trade in my one bad hand for a better one, but instead I was diagnosed bipolar at the age of 26. With this I became even more angry and bitter. I had been dealt two bad hands. I didn’t see where God was in it at all. I had faith but it was lacking in something. In my eyes God and faith had failed me. Later I realized how scary it was when I was that angry and bitter because I know that when I was feeling this way, the Evil One was whispering in my ear that God was a punishing God. God was a cruel God. God had brought all this pain in my life. God was an angry God. God had done all these bad things to me. But now I know that God didn't make them happen because He's an angry God or a punishing God or even a hateful God. I know now He's truly a loving God and He dealt me these two hands so that I can see the wonders of His works. He has done amazing things in my life. He has given me a full and renewed life. He has healed me. I was truly on the edge of the cliff so far away from God. And now my eyes are forward and I can see God standing in front of me. All the trials and tribulations have now become my gift – my gift to you and my tool to show you how amazing God can be. I am finally at peace. There is a strong sense of peace and healing. I have a long way to go before I reach the end, but I know that with each day I grow more in love with Jesus Christ the closer I am to the finish. I have turned around 180 degrees and I'm now facing God and He's reaching out to me and I'm walking closer and closer to him. I've been in Catholic groups before. I've led prayer groups and Bible studies. I've led retreats and given talks on my life experiences. I've had strong faith before, but NOTHING like what I feel now. I feel the power of God working through me. It's in the way that I talk, in the way that I walk, and in the way that I act. It is in every breath that I take. I am consumed by God's love and it's amazing.

I am truly grateful to SFC for inspiring me to build up my faith in God. I can see and feel God working in my life. More than I ever have before.

Life is good, I'm alive, and I'm in love -- in love with Jesus Christ.

An old blog...True meaning of friendship

Here is an old blog that I wrote before I had my big transformation. It was the start of God working in me to change and mold me and create me anew. I wasn't there yet, but God was working on it. He had already begun healing in my life and was leading me down the right path.

Written originally as a MySpace blog on May 25, 2007

The true meaning of friendship:

John 15:13 "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends."

It's so funny that this came up in tonight's joint household meeting for SFC. I was just thinking of this passage yesterday when I was answering one of my friend's many My Space surveys. The question on the survey was "Would you take a bullet for a friend?" I tried hard to quote this verse, but it didn't seem to come out right although I did get the gist of it.

At tonight's SFC meeting this verse took on a whole new meaning and I was the one who defined it. The strange part of the whole thing is that I didn't even realize what I was saying until after I got done saying it. It wasn't me speaking. I was just the vehicle. It was really God using me to speak His Truth. His Word.

This is the gist of it all...

This verse is much more than "taking a bullet for friend" or "laying down in front of a car for a friend." Laying down one's life means laying out your life for a friend. It means sharing your life's experiences with a friend thus making you open and vulnerable to "taking a bullet for a friend." When you are completely open and honest with a friend, you are exposing yourself and leaving yourself open to getting hit by a bullet, i.e., Satan. He's the worst bullet there is. He knows us so well. He knows when the right time is to sneak and take control. We have to guard ourselves against that. When we are open, we allow our friends to be open, too. In that openness and honesty, we can protect one another from "the bullet." God is there to protect us. We are sharing the deepest feelings about our lives with one another. We are sharing the many ways that God has worked in our lives. We are spreading the Word and Works of God.

The amazing thing about all this is I didn't even realize what I had said until AFTER I had said it. It was when people were clapping (which is customary when people get done speaking at SFC) acknowledging what I had said. I felt as if I was getting some positive feedback. As if God was really speaking through me. The truth is He was. He always does when I am at SFC gatherings. He works in mighty and mysterious ways. He uses me as a true vehicle whether I am just praying or discussing Bible verses. I feel ALIVE at SFC gatherings. I don't feel any anger, hatred, or bitterness toward God that I would normally feel outside of SFC. The meetings are so alive and empowering. I feel spiritually recharged. It is amazing.

I am so lucky to have made this group of friends. A couple of the girls in the group have become like big sisters to me. They have become a part of my lifeline and support. I know I can go to them when I need an ear to listen or advice. Everyone in the group is so loving, non-judgemental and encouraging. They help to pick me up when I am feeling down. They remind me about the love of God. They exude God's love and I feel so loved and accepted. They are my first group of friends that I have made here in Orlando and I am truly blessed.

I look forward to our next joint household meeting so that I can get my bi-weekly spiritual fix.

Thank you SFC for all you have done for me. Thank you for being great friends. I am truly blessed. Thank you God for all you have done for me in the last couple of months in regards to SFC. Everyday I grow closer and closer to God. I regain a little bit of my spirit.

This is where it all started...The original Testimony

This was originally written on November 16, 2007 and sent to the sisters who lead Singles for Christ - Orlando. This is my original testimony. I have since edited it some in order to incorporate into an SFC talk (Transformation in Christ) given in June 2008.

Original testimony

I am alive and I had to share it.

I wanted to tell you all how alive I feel these last few days. I feel so alive in the spirit. I feel so in love with Jesus right now. More in love than I have ever felt before. More in love than I have felt with anyone even another human being whether it is family or a boyfriend/relationship. I think it started the weekend Juve and Tina invited me to their house. I felt loved and accepted. I felt God's love working through Juve and Tina to me. God showed me love through their friendship. Ever since then, I've been feeling alive and I am filled with the spirit. The last 3 or 4 days has been even better. I've never felt this alive. Not just alive in the spirit, but alive with life. I can feel myself breathing in life with every breath that I take. It's amazing. My life has turned around. I went to a talk tonight at Holy Family Church and the priest who spoke really made me think. He was talking about the signs of the Second Coming of Jesus. One of them was the anti-Christ. It scared me because I know that when I was feeling angry and upset, the Devil/Satan was whispering in my ear that God was a punishing God. God was a cruel God. God had brought all this pain in my life. God was an angry God. God had done all these bad things to me. I know now that God didn't make them happen because He's an angry God or a punishing God or even a hateful God. He's truly a loving God and He brought me the rain so that I can the wonders of His works. He has done amazing things in my life. He has given me a new life. I was truly on the edge of the cliff so far away from God. And now my eyes are forward and I can see God standing in front of me. I have a long way to go before I reach the end, but I am closer and I know that with each day that I grow more in love with Jesus the closer I am to the finish. I have turned around 180 degrees and I'm now facing God and He's reaching out to me and I'm walking closer and closer. I've been in Catholic groups before. I've led prayer groups and Bible studies. I've led retreats and given talks on my life experiences. I've had strong faith before, but NOTHING like what I feel now. I feel the power of God working through me. It's in the way that I talk. In the way that I act. It is in every breath I take. I am consumed by God's love and it's amazing.

I am truly grateful to SFC for inspiring me to build up my faith in God. I can see and feel God working in my life. More than I ever have before.

Life is good, I'm alive, and I'm in love -- in love with Jesus.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Welcome to my Online Ministry

Welcome everyone to my Online Ministry and Faith Journey Blog!

I have decided to create an online blog for me to have a place where I can write and share about my experiences with Jesus Christ and to be able to witness to everyone out there through the Internet the great works of our amazing God. I have been recently blogging and writing notes on my Facebook and then copying them to my MySpace and Friendster blogs. I have enjoyed this so far and I'll continue to blog there as well as here to give as many people access to my blog and my thoughts and ideas. I want everyone to be able to read about my faith journey and the road that God is leading me to. Right now I feel that it is my call to witness to God's awesome power by sharing my own personal thoughts and experiences on the great things He has done in my life thus far. I have been given a great gift from God that allows me to write so clearly, eloquently, and passionately about the amazing things He has done for me. I have shared and written so many times to my friends and family how God has used me and created me anew but it is now time to open myself up to the vast world through the Internet. I of course will start with family and friends who already know or have heard so much about the changes in my life. This will give them a way to keep up with my life and where I've been and where I'll be going. I am going where God takes me and I want everyone to see and share it with me. I want to inspire other to read my blog and feel a sense of peace, comfort, and healing. I want them to desire this peace, comfort, and healing for themselves. I want them to know the Lord as I have come to know Him. I want them to have that personal relationship Him. I want to challenge people into thinking a different way. I want those who are already faithful believers to find a new way to worship God. There is a fire burning deep inside me and inside my heart. I never want to extinguish. I want it to keep burning on and on. I want to set the world on fire for the Lord and continue to call everyone to the Lord. I want to call back those who have gone far or strayed from the faith. I want those who do not know the Lord to be inspired to want to know the Lord who has done great things in my life. Its like the story of the Prodigal Son. I want the Lord to rejoice when His son or daughter returns home after so many years lost. I want them to know that God preparing the way for us in Heaven. I want to help bring people back to God. Read on to my further journals/postings to see where I am at and where I've been. It is a true inspiration even to me who wrote those words. God reveals new truths in amazing ways and we are thankful. Be open to God's might power. Please log into and read the blog often. I don't know how many times a week I will post here. It all depends on how God uses me. I am a witness to His awesome power and I am blessed abundantly. Please stay tuned to future postings.