Holiday letter 2008

It is a little late for a holiday letter, but I had so much to say that I just did not have time to finally sit down and write it until the other day. I am still behind on mailing it out but I hope to get that sometime early this week. I also waited because so much happened in the last few weeks of 2008 that I wanted to include ALL the changes which occured right up until the very end. I am not sure if this really is a faith blog or not but I do talk a lot about my faith and where I've been and where I'd like to go. Regardless, I'd still like to share it with all who follow my blog publicly as well as anonymously.

So here it is:

Dear Family and Friends,

Hello! This was supposed to be my "2008 Holiday Letter", but now it has become "My launching into 2009 Letter" instead. With the end of the year and holiday season just passing, I got so busy with the hustle and bustle of work and everyday life that I did not get a chance to reflect on 2008 and put my thoughts on paper. So, here we are at the beginning of a new year, and I finally have a moment to look back on the highlights of 2008 and make predictions on the year to come. I cannot believe the new year is already here. It seems as if it was yesterday that 2008 began. I am very excited about the challenges that 2009 will bring,

In 2008, I set out a few lofty goals and although the year got off to a good start, I was not able to meet my main goal of finding the right relationship that might lead into a promising future. I know it seems rather superficial, but I set a pretty high goal of getting into the right long term relationship. I started off the year with a few "blind" dates but none ended up anywhere. I have made a few good friends but nothing more. 2008 as a whole was filled with many ups and downs throughout the year but all in all I think I was able to end the year on a pretty big high note.

Highlights of 2008:

January through March seemed uneventful. I do not recall much going on these first few months other than the usual post holiday celebrations. It was a hard beginning of the year with Mom and Dad in the Philippines during this time. Starting in April is when the excitement started to happen. First, I joined a young adult ministry in Altamonte Springs at Annunciation Catholic Church. At the start, I only attended dinners and participated in activities, but as time went on I got more involved. I am now on the Spiritual committee and the core team for the group. On April 20, my sister gave birth to my niece Miranda Elayne. She was born at Winter Park Hospital at 11:47am. I had every intention of being here in Orlando for her birth, but our little princess had other plans. My sister went into labor fairly early and within a couple of hours our precious angel was born. I made it to the hospital in the late afternoon a few hours after she was born. May was actually a pretty tough month. Despite being my birthday month, I did not have a great month or birthday for that matter. I suffered a bit of depression that month. It lasted a couple of months but I bounced back in late June/early July. At that time I started to get very involved in the Singles for Christ Orlando chapter. I was able to give the Transformation in Christ talk. Things started picking up. In this talk, I was able to give my testimony as to how God had healed me from the pains of the past and other traumatic experiences that I had as a child as well as an adult. Life really started to pick up from there. The next few months I continued to grow in my faith. I continued to flourish and experience even more healing of old wounds. September brought the biggest change of 2008 when I moved into a house with my friend Christine (Tin) from SFC. I enjoy being in a house but I do miss being near my sister and the kids. I am now living in west Orlando near Ocoee which is about 30 minutes from Lalie and the kids. I miss being able to see them after work, but I do try and make time for them on the weekends. In October, I was able to take a short 1 week vacation to Naples to visit family and friends. While there I attended the wedding of two of my good friends Lindsay and Jose. I had the opportunity of being an active part of their wedding day including reading the first reading. It was a great time at their wedding. I enjoyed my vacation to Naples as well. I was able to see many of the old places I used to go and finally visit Palm Cottage near the Naples Pier. I had always wanted to go and I am glad I got the chance. Palm Cottage is an old house owned by the Naples Historical Society. It is a beautiful old home filled with lots of history. I just love old houses like this. October was also the month that I started my online blog. I started an online ministry where I have posted many different views of the same testimony. I share my journey with Christ on the Internet for all to read. I have not been too active in posting there, but please do check it out and follow along my journey of faith. This was also the month I attended the Life in the Spirit (charismatic) conference. At the conference I found a whole new side of Catholicism that truly has deepened my faith. I continue to stay involved with SFC and have had the chance to minister to the youth of Youth for Christ. I did an improv comedy workshop with the kids at their youth Camp. I had so much fun with them that I decided I am going to start writing my one-woman show again with the hopes of performing it either late spring or early summer. Stay tuned for the new blog that will chronicle my writing journey in putting together this show. The last few months of 2008 were quite busy. I have been quite involved with SFC as well as other Church groups. Aside the young adult ministry and SFC, I am now a part of the charismatic renewal group at Church. I hope to get even more involved at Church as well. I am looking to be a parishioner at this new parish. I also want to try and get involved in the contemporary choir there. The last couple of months at work were quite crazy. Just after coming home from vacation I started working a lot of extra hours. I was working an average 53 hours every week for nearly 5 or 6 weeks. It finally took its toll on me and I cut back to just over 40 hours a week. I was still making a few extra dollars working OT but not as much. I was still pretty tired and beat every night after work. I also started to get involved in a social Catholic group started through a Catholic website I belong to. We started with an informal meeting for lunch in November and plan to alternate between Tampa and Orlando every month. We have a pretty good group going. The last few weeks of year have been the best weeks of 2008 and probably the reason I did not write this sooner. I wanted to be able to include the changes and happenings of the last few weeks in the letter. I have made a lot of new friends through the gatherings our small group has been having including a very good friend I have been talking to and getting to know the last few weeks. For right now we are just friends but we get along well and have great conversations. I do not know what is going to happen with that but I am starting to think that meeting that special someone might not have been the plan for 2008 but I certainly have included in my plans for 2009. 2008 was not only a great year spiritually but I am very blessed to have a good group of friends at work as well as outside of work to keep me focused and grounded. I am so lucky to have my friends Johnerick and Christine who have been my rock and support this whole year. I owe much to them and the bonds of friendship we have shared this past year.

So what is in store for 2009? Not only did 2008 bring about spiritual change but I had made some physical changes as well. I was able to lose almost 25 pounds and finally fit back into a size 6 pair of SKINNY jeans. Part of the challenge of 2009 is to keep off the weight and lose another 5 pounds. I want to start exercising more so as to stay fit and in shape. I already lost the weight so now I have to try and maintain it and stay fit. I am so happy that I have lost the weight but the sad part is all my clothes are now 4 or 5 sizes TOO big. I have to work on buying a new wardrobe. I decided that since I was buying a new wardrobe I would try a different look. I have decided to go from the loose and baggy clothes to a more professional and feminine look. I have made some changes in my wardrobe these last few weeks that I hope to be propelled into the future never to look back on the past. I am changing my wardrobe for 2 reasons 1) to replace my now extra baggy clothes into something that fits and flatters my body and how I look 2) to try to hook in that man who may someday be the one for me. I realized that I was not going to go anywhere if I did not make a change. It is going to be a major challenge but I look forward to meeting it this year. For 2009, I also want to build a stronger relationship with God. I want to get closer to Him. I want to have a deeper and more personal relationship with Him. I want to be able to evangelize and claim lives for Jesus Christ. I want to pray and read the Bible more. I hope to do this through my writing – my faith blog as well as my one-woman show. But the one area I want to work on is living my life for God so that others may know and see that in me and want it and desire it for themselves. If doing full time ministry and bearing witness would actually make ends meet and pay the bills, then I would change careers and give my hand at working doing full time mission work with SFC. One of my goals for 2009 is to plan a trip home to the Philippines in December. I will go back to my Mom’s hometown and stay with family for 2 weeks. I really hope and pray that God makes this happen as it will be over 30 years since I have last been home. A lot has changed and I want to connect with family there before it is too late.

I look forward to the many challenges of 2009. I know that through God there is NOTHING impossible. I put all my faith and trust in Him and I know that He will provide for my every need just as He has since the beginning of time.

I wish all of you a blessed new year. I wish for you joy, peace, prosperity, good health, love and happiness which comes from God and God alone.

With Lots of Love,
Eileen Mae

Rest for the body

We are reminded that we need to rest our bodies. We need to relax and take it easy sometimes. We need not try to accomplish everything at one time. God gives us the rest of our lives to evangelize and spread His Good News. I am reminded of this often by friends especially now that I have been go, go, go for the last 2 months non-stop. All of this non-stop go, go, go at work and for God has finally taken its toll on me. I am now sick. It is not the flu or fever but a cold that has me worn out. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. The one good thing is that I am not spiritually exhausted. I could not feel more alive in the Spirit right now. I cannot make up for the times I was away from God. He rejoiced the day I chose to come back home to Him again. I should not try so hard to make others believe. I should not make myself the center or think that it is by my own means or power that people are being called back to the Lord, but it is by His power and will that they are turning their lives back to Him. I can inspire them through my sharing and experiences but I alone cannot sway them to come to know God as I have. The conviction in their hearts comes from God and God alone. He will convict them and create a desire in their hearts to know and seek Him. I must continue and spread The Word and tell others about God but it is up to them and by the power of the Holy Spirit that they shall come to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I am reminded that I cannot do this single handed in one day or a few months. It takes time. It all happens on God's time and by His master plan. So for now, I will step back and let the body rest and relax. I cannot serve the Lord if I am physically not well. My spirit is alive and well, but my body is weak and tired. What good am I to the Lord if I have no physical energy? I am reminded to take a break, step back, and relax. Let things happen in His time. He knows already all the people I will inspire. It will happen by the power of the Holy Spirit and not by my will. I am going to rest the body for now. I will come back again when I am completely healthy and physically ready to serve the Lord with my whole heart, my whole soul, and my whole mind. For now, I need rest. I find peace and comfort in the Lord that I shall overcome this cold and be well in order to continue to do His work.

Please pray for me.

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?

I'll never forget the day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. It was November 6, 2007. I had attended a Life in the Spirit 2 day event at Holy Family Catholic Church. It was all a part of the Life in the Spirit and Charismatic Renewal. I had a chance to hear Father William Halbing speak. I did not know much about what was going to be said, but I knew I wanted to broaden my faith. So I went to check it out. Father Halbing that day was speaking about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. While listening to him I started to get scared. He was telling of the signs of the end of times. He was talking about the Rapture as well as the Antichrist. I began to get fearful. I began to think had I already given into the ways of the Antichrist. Have I been influenced by him and being deceived and drawn to the other side? Would I be left here on Earth when Christ came again? I did not want that. I did not want any part of that. I wanted to rejoice with God in heaven. I want to be taken up to heaven when Jesus comes again. I want to go with the believers. I do not want to remain here on Earth. I want to be with my family and friends that I love and those who have gone before me. I do not want to be left alone without the love of God. I knew that night that I had to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I knew it was through Him and Jesus alone that I was going to be able to enter the gates of heaven. I might not have known it or even thought of it as such at the time, but that is what I was doing. I was accepting Him as my Savior and guaranteeing me a spot in heaven at the end of times. I know that Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth, and The Light. No one shall come to the Father but through Him. While at the Charismatic conference a few weeks ago for the first time since accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I was able to publicly declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. My life is infinitely blessed having done so. I am deeper and fuller in faith because of it. I am complete with Him and through Him. I will NEVER go back to my life before I knew Christ. It seems so far back and so long ago, but it really was not that long ago. I have always had faith having grown up as a cradle Catholic, but now this faith is my own. I have chosen to live out a life devoted and faithful to God. No one told me to do it. It is a decision I made on my own. I had help with a strong foundation from my parents, but I chose this life. I chose to live a life committed to Him. I had to lose my faith for some time in order for me to find it again. I had to search out and seek Him. I found Him again and He was there waiting for me the whole time. He was calling my name just waiting for me to answer. I am glad I finally heard the sweet sound of Him calling my name. I hope and pray that He continues to call my name and I hear that sweet whisper in my ear.

Healing

God is so amazing. Agreed? We all can agree that God is truly an amazing God. Through God all things are possible. Even healing. Healing in ways that we never would expect. I know for me I have experienced healing in the most amazing ways. When I gave my revised testimony in June for Singles for Christ I spoke of a healing of the past and memories of the past. I spoke of a healing and peace that I had never known before God. I have always had a faith in God but I had never allowed Him to come in and heal that part of my life. I searched many different avenues both high and low. I tried all kinds of things that were of the human understanding and nothing worked. When I finally offered up to God and asked Him to heal those memories and the pain, He came and brought me a sense of peace that I had never known before. I had finally been able to accept the past and no longer feel hurt by it. Old wounds were finally healed and I was finally able to be at peace. I no longer think about it. I no longer think of myself as a victim but a survivor. He has given me the strength to finally have survived it. Through Him I was able to accomplish nearly the impossible. I never thought that I'd come to terms with it. I always thought that I'd live my life as a sexual abuse victim. I am no longer a victim. I no longer live out the memories in my head. God has brought me a sense of peace and healing. God has given me the ability to move on and allowed me to use it as my tool to witness to others about His amazing power and grace. It no longer looms over me like a shadow. God can heal you of anything if you pray for it and desire it.

I remember talking in my testimony about how God has healed me. When I spoke of it in the testimony though I was only referring to my experience of the past and the post traumatic stress disorder. I had never thought or expected that God would heal me of the bipolar as well. I had prayed for it. I had truly desired it but I didn't think it was even at all possible. The first time I asked for it was in November 2007 when I had attended a healing service at Holy Family Catholic Church. I asked for healing of the bipolar but I didn't think it all possible. I always thought that I would be dependant on medicine for the rest of my life. I had desired healing though. I hadn't found the right way to pray for it or ask for it but I had wanted it so bad. I didn't want to be dependant on medicines the rest of my life. My friends had been mentioning that someday I might be able to be off medication but I didn't really believe that it was possible.

Boy was I wrong! About 2 months ago, I was having trouble at work. I was having trouble thinking clearly and I felt my reaction time was slow. I felt i was thinking and reacting slow. My numbers at work were reflective of that. I thought I would just bounce back and I'd get back on top of things eventually. At the beginning of August I was put on performance probation and I had little time to improve my numbers. My job was on the line and I knew I had to do something about it. I had to take action to make some changes at work or else I'd lose my job. The next day I had decided that I would just go off all my medication completely. The psychiatrist had already taken me off a couple of my medications due to lack of compliance and not having any major episodes or side effects. I didn't realize that the lack of compliance without any episode or side effect was the precursor to being off of medication entirely. I didn't know that God was building me up to be off of medication completely. When I was put on probation I had decided that I would discontinue the two remaining medications cold turkey. I felt it was slowing me down. I really felt that I could use the mania to boost my numbers. God showed me that I didn't need the medication. The first day at work after being medication free was a slow day. But the 2nd day and the days following were totally different. I was able to be more alert at work. I was slowly starting to pick up my numbers. By the end of the first 3 weeks, my average had gone up from 27 to 33. I had been so excited because I had been completely off medication and I wasn't experiencing any mood swings whatsoever. When I went back to the psychiatrist, I told him about my decision to go off medication and the healing power that God had done. Lucky for me he is a devout Catholic as well and he agreed to let me go off medication. I have been completely off medication for more than 2 months now and I show NO signs of bipolar. I have not had any mood swing or episode since before going off medication completely. I have not had that much anxiety either. I have been able to do without any anxiety medication as well. I am so blessed. I had desired healing but I had not found the words to ask for it. But God knew it was what I had desired and He healed me. Not only have I been healed of the wounds of the past but of the bipolar as well.

God is truly an amazing God and I am thankful for all He has done in my life. I am thankful for the transformation that He allowed to happen and continues to make happen in my life. But I am most thankful for the gift of healing and the healing of the wounds which have burdened me most of my life. God is truly an amazing God. I am always reminded that God is faithful to those who are faithful to Him.

Remain faithful to God in all that you are and all that you do and He will remain faithful to you.

Looking at the past through the eyes of the present

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster. Written on October 9, 2008

Text sent Thurs, October 9, 2008 1:53pm while at Starbucks on 5th Avenue in Naples, FL to several friends

"Vacation in Naples has been a healing experience. I can look back at the past thru the eyes of the present. I continue to be healed thru God's mightly graces"

Looking at the past through the eyes of the present is phrase I came up with one night talking to JE. It something I have been able to do these last few months since God has transformed me and created me anew. I am better able to deal with the past and anything that remains because I can see them through the eyes of a someone who has been healed and transformed by God. No longer am I hurting by what happened in the past. All old wounds have been healed. I am a new person.

Coming back to Naples for my vacation has been a healing experience. I've been back in Naples on several ocassions but never for this long. I am usually here for 2 or 3 days which is never long enough to really go around and see the sights. This time I really had a chance to go out and see the sights. This time I really had a chance to go and visit my old stomping grounds and see old friends I haven't seen or connected with in a long while. I really had a chance to look back on my life and where I was and where I've been. But I wasn't looking back on my life with respect to the past but through the eyes of the present. I am able to look back on my life and see how far I've come and how much I have grown and changed. I realize that no matter how hard my life was, no matter what I went through, it was all necessary for me to experience it all in order for me to find God. If I never experienced all the pain and heartache and anger then I would have never known God's love. My life here in Naples wasn't all bad but it wasn't all good either. I had my share of ups and downs here. But I did not have the peace that I have now. While here in Naples, I have been able to reconnec with people who have had the most influence in my life. I have been able to bear witness to them of how I have found peace through God and through God alone. They can really see a new person, a transformed person, a person created anew in Christ. Every day I am changed and created anew in Christ. My vacation in Naples has been no exception. As I drive around Naples and visit places I used to go, drive past places so familiar, and see friends who have changed my life, I am reminded of my old life and healed again and again. God gave me the will to choose and I chose to be here in Naples for a long time. The whole time I was here He was nudging me to the right direction but He let me come to that realization in my own time. He brought me through all this so that in the end I would find Him there waiting for me. He never left me or forsake me. Along the way I met people who have changed my life. Some of whom are still part of my life no matter how much time passes since I have talked to them last. Along the way I experienced both good times and bad. Living here in Naples was a necessary stop in coming to know the Lord. I chose to live here and God watched over me and protected me while I was here. He allowed me to meet people like David and Taryn through our Collier Catholic Singles group. They are two people whose friendship has meant so much. They are two people God put in my life to nudge me in the right direction. He put Ron and Anne in my life to help me learn about love and acceptance. He put them in my life to teach me about sincere friendship. Seeing friendship through their eyes has taught me a lot about genuine friendship. Naples was a good experience and necessary experience for me to come to know the Lord. While I was here I knew of the Lord and who He was but it wasn't until now that I have come to KNOW the Lord. I have come to know Him on a personal level. I have a personal relationship with Him. I have seen the Lord face to face in my new experiences with him. The past is a part of me. It will always be a part of me. I can NEVER change that. But I can see it now through the eyes of a new and transformed person in Christ. All of those experiences --- from childhood through Naples --- were necessary for me to find God. I had to endure them so that I could be built into the person that God intended fo rme to be. The whole time God was there. He NEVER left me behind. He was waiting for me to reach out and ask Him to lift it from me. I finally had the strength to ask God to lift this heavy burden from me. He lifted not just the pains of abuse but EVERYTHING. Bipolar and EVERYTHING. Even before I prayed for it. Even when it was just a mere thought in my mind. Even when the idea was just born in my mind then Lord was already working on answering that prayer. Not in my way but in His way. A way that He would show me is the right way. God is an amazing God. He heals us every day. He mends our brokeness. He truly is an amazing God.

This is what a friend of mine responded after reading the text that I had sent while at Starbucks "Truly God has been faithful to u as u are to Him." This is so true. I am faithful to God in everything I do and return God has been faithful to me. For this I am grateful. For this I am blessed.

Thank you God for the gift of every day healing!

I owe it all to God

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster. Written on September 17, 2008

Amazing how your life changes when you put all your trust in the Lord. Its amazing how He can make things happen when you least expect it. It is awesome when you hope and pray for something to happen a certain way and God makes it happen but in His own way. You then come to realize that His way was far better than your way. It's not about our will but about God's will. He'll make things happen on His own time. We have to be open to His ways. We have to open to let Him work in us. We have to let God mold us and use us as His instruments. He'll make things right. He'll make things better. He'll get you through all the hard times. You have to ask Him and He'll take care of you. He always has your best interest at heart and He'll provide for you in ways you never knew or even expected. He'll give you blessing you didn't even ask for but He knew you needed them. He's an awesome God and He always is there to provide for us and guide us every step of the way. We have to ask God to be there with us and for us. We have to ask Him to help us do His great works whether its at work or through a Church group.

Life for me could not be any better than it is right now. A lot of things have changed for me over the past few months even the past few weeks. God has made some changes in my life. Some I had prayed for since I was young and some I didn't even ask for. One thing I did ask for was for Him to help me with my work so that I could be more productive. I already knew that I could produce quality work, but I wasn't able to meet productivity standards. My average was below 30 and well below the team average. I knew I was at risk but I didn't know that they were going to take action on it. Soon after my mid-year review, I was put on performance probation. This was a major stress for me because I had already been on attendance probation. I knew my job was on the line and if I didn't do something to make some drastic improvements then I could be out of a job. I was down. I was depressed. I was scared. My job was at risk and I knew I couldn't afford to lose it. The weekend after I was put on probation was CFC family assembly and while I was there I asked for Brother Stephen, Sister Myra, Ate Dobbie and Christine to pray over me. To give me the peace I needed to succeed at work and keep my job. They prayed over me and I cried. Brother Stephen talked to me for quite sometime about putting it in God's hands and letting Him carry me through this. I knew this was going to be hard. I had never thought about bringing my faith into my work. Work was work and my faith was faith and I didn't see how the two mixed. But I had to do something. So I prayed and asked God to get me through this. I asked Him to help me do better at work and be able to be more productive without forsaking the quality of work I do. The first day after was tough. I still had low numbers but as the days continued the numbers began to get higher and higher. Soon I was processing just over 30 per day which was already 5 more than I was averaging before. Within the first 3 weeks my average was already up to 33 which was just shy of the 10 per day increase that I needed. I continued to ask God for guidance and He saw me through it. He's there right beside me. Today I had another evaluation and my average is already up to 43. At this pace not only will I meet the probation goal of increasing my average by 10 per day, I'll also have reached the benchmark. I'll be averaging just about 45 per day which is what they expect of us. By the end of the year, I'll be averaging well over what they expect of us. I'm working my way not only getting off this probation but I'm working toward a bonus and raise at the end of the year. With the quality of work I do and the number I am producing, I have become a better tech who ranks right up there with the rest of the team. I'm right there at the team average and it's only going to get better from here.

When I gave my transformation in Christ talk a while back ago I spoke mainly of healing from the pains of the past. Healing and peace that I have never had in my life. I had finally come to accept the past and forgive and move on. It had been a long time coming and I never knew that God and God alone could heal me of the pain and anger that I held deep inside. I wasn't asking for healing but God granted me healing. He healed me not only of the pains of my past but of my bipolar, too. I didn't ask for it but He gave it. I have been med free for more than 6 weeks now and I feel great. I feel like a different person. I truly believe that a miracle has taken place and God has healed all the brokenness in my life. I am finally at peace. Everything in life is starting to fall into place. I have never felt this happy or this at peace. I know matter what life has in store whether it is good or bad I am better equipped to handle it. Better equipped because I have God and Jesus on my side who have been there for me and carried me through some of the toughest times of my life. My faith in God has grown tremendously. I am truly thankful for all that God has done in my life and for the many blessings He has blessed me with. God is truly an awesome God. He raises the dead and brings them back to life. I was so full of anger and bitterness and now there is nothing left but peace and comfort and healing. He has come and washed away all my sin and guilt. He has cleansed me. I am whole again. Everyday He is transforming me. Everyday He is revealing His awesome power whether its through work or friends. Everyday I'm able to see the awesome power of God. I continue to let him mold me and change me. I continue to look to SFC and the rest of my Christian friends for support and to lift me up. I have come not only to know of the Lord but to know the Lord. I have a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him and I'm thankful. He has made wonderful changes in my life and I'll forever be thankful.

I cannot begin to put into words how it feels to be alive in Christ although I have written quite a lengthy note. . I am so alive in Christ right now. I am so in love with Jesus Christ. Life is great. Everything is just falling into the right place. God has been so good to me and I am blessed. I owe my life to God. I owe this new found happiness to God and God alone. For a long time I wasn't ready to accept healing and change, but God was always there ready and waiting for me to give my life to Him I wasn't ready to surrender to His will. Slowly but surely He molded me and healed me. I have given my life to Him. I owe Him all the thanks and praise that He deserves. There once was a time when I thought I couldn't count my blessing on one hand and now I have not enough fingers and toes to count the many blessings I have in my life. God is truly an awesome God. Thank you God for everything you have blessed me in my lifetime but especially in the last few weeks. God you are an amazing God. I am thankful to know you and have that personal relationship with you. Thank you for never turning your back on me even though I have turned my back on you many times in my life. You have never forgotten mo or forsaken me. I am thankful to you for everything and the presence you are in my life. Without you Lord I am no one. I am nothing without you. Thank you for changing my life and healing me everyday! I love you Lord!

Alive in Christ again

Originally written as a Facebook note. Copied to MySpace and Friendster blog. Written September 13, 2008.

Last night I attended our Singles for Christ joint household. I love attending households because they fill me up with God's graces. I feel so empowered by God as we sing praise and worship and pray together. It's an awesome feeling when God comes and fills you up with His awesome power and love. Last night, of course, was no different. It all started with a short prayer. I could feel God already entering my heart and filling me up. Then we sang a few songs of praise and worship. I really could feel my heart filling with God's awesome power and love. I felt refreshed. I felt renewed. I felt alive. When we broke up into our small groups I continued to be filled with God's awesome love and power. When I had the chance to pray out loud I could feel the passion for God in my voice. I felt so on fire for the Lord. I felt like Brother Carl on Soul Central at Wave Church in Virginia Beach. The more I prayed the more passionate I got. I could feel God moving through me and speaking through my mouth. It was my voice but it was God's words being spoken. God was truly using me as an instrument to minister to my felow brother and sisters. He was using me as an instrument to pray in thanks for His many gifts and for my friends and family. He was using me to speak of the wonderful gifts He has blessed me with in my life. I am so thankful for all these gifts. I am thankful that I can be a witness to God's awesome works. I am thankful for the changes He has made in my life. I am thankful for SFC which helps me to feel renewed in Christ. With every household, I am refreshed and renewed in Christ. I am transformed all over again. I can feel God working through me to continue to change me and heal me. Last night's household helped me to realize that I am a work in progress. My faith is continously growing and changing. With each passing day I grow more and more in love with Jesus Christ. The teaching helped me to see that I still have much work to do in my faith. Singing praise and worship and being able to pray outloud helped me to feel alive and empowered, but when I heard the teaching on loving our enemies I was brought back down to reality. I felt a little deflated even. I was so high on God's love but then felt that I was brought back down to the present. Although I had been deflated, I was still alive. Aliive in Christ. I was reminded that every day we work on our relationship with Christ. Everyday we grow. If and when the day comes when I am no longer growing in my relationship with Christ, then I must be dead. I must have hit that peak in my relationship when I am able to be home and one with the Lord. I am so thankful for the gift of faith. As I was sharing last night about how thankful I am for the changes God has made in my life I could see my fellow SFC sisters and brother acknowleding my growth in the Lord. I am thankful to be able to share this experience with them. I am thankful that they are present in my life. I am renewed in Christ at each household and I'm glad that the other members of SFC are there to see in my contiuous transformation. When I was sharing about how awesome this experience has been I could see my friend Tina looking a back at me and smiling. I know she was smiling because she has seen a great change in me. She has been there to witness to my growth and see how God has changed me and changed my lfe. I am so glad that I can be a light for others. I am so glad that I have found friends in SFC who have been there to be a witness to all the changes that God has made in my life. I was once lost and confused, but the Lord kept calling me by name. He kept calling me closer and closer to Him. And finally I heard and was drawn to Him. I am finally at home and at peace. The Lord continues to call my name. I am continuously transformed. My transformation in Christ continues. I am being transformed over and over again. I am renewed in Christ.I am being healed everyday through Christ. I am thankful for this change that God has made in my lfe. I am thankful for SFC. I am thankful that I am empowered in Christ. I am thankful that I am alive!