You are my ALL IN ALL

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again
I bless Your name
You are my all in all

When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Isaiah 40: 28-31

Did you not know? Had you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, he created the remotest parts of the earth. He does not grow tired or weary, his understanding is beyond fathoming. He gives strength to the weary, he strengthens the powerless. Youths grow tired and weary, the young stumble and fall, but those who hope in Yahweh will regain their strength, they will sprout wings like eagles, though they run they will not grow weary, though they walk they will never tire. --Isaiah 40:28-31

Let us give thanks

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, we all probably have a lot to be thankful for. I know I do. So I wanted to start off by thanking those who have made a difference in my life and who have inspired me along the way. So here is my list of people I am thankful for this Thanksgiving.

1) First and foremost, I am thankful to God Almighty. I owe my life to God. Everything I have and everything I am is because of God. Without Him, I am nothing.

2) I am thankful for family. I am thankful to my parents, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my nieces, and my nephews. I am thankful for my grandparents. I am thankful for all my family both near and far. Mom and Dad: I thank you for all your love and support you have shown me through the years. I am thankful you raised me to be who I am. Marve Ann and Lauralee: I could not have asked for better sisters. I know we always have not gotten along all the time but I know I can count on you both to be there for me. Your love and support is much appreciated. Charles and Carl: We have had our share of disagreements. We have not always gotten along, but I know in recent times we have gotten along much better. I am thankful for all your words of advice. To the kids -- Lexy, Doc, Miranda, Chas, and Anna: You are so inspiring. You have taught me how to love. You mean the world to me. I am thankful to have you as nieces and nephews. To the Grandmas: Thank you for loving me. Thank you for inspiring me. I hope to live as long and fruitful as you both have. To family near and far: I know we do not see each other much but I am thankful for such a family. It is so nice to be a part of a big family.

3) I am thankful for JET. Christine and Johnerick you have made a difference in my life. You are MORE than just my friends. You ARE my sister and my brother. Your love and support means the world to me. Christine: I am so thankful that we have had this chance to be roommates. Your constant love and support is abounding. I am grateful to have you in my life. You have inspired me to want to be more and do more. Remember I am here for you always. Johnerick: I am so thankful that we are friends. Your friendship means a lot to me. You are a true and honest friend. I appreciate the loyalty and commitment to the friendship. I am inspired by you. You are an amazing man who will someday make someone very happy. JET is intact and strong!

4) I am thankful for the leaders of SFC -- Tina, Juve, Cahty J, Ate Chelly, and Ate Dobbie. Your faith is amazing and inspiring. You have helped me develop a stronger sense of faith and have helped me in my times of struggle. Tina: As I have said over the weekend, it may seem like we do not like each other. We may joke and tease but I know you love and care for me. I value our friendship. I appreciate all you have done for me. You are a true and amazing friend. Never lose the sense of humor. Juve: Thank you so much for listening to me when I need someone to listen. Thank you for all the words of advice. Thank you for being you and supporting me on this amazing journey. You were one of the first ones in SFC that I talked to and I am grateful. Cathy J: Your faith is amazing. I am inspired by you. I am encouraged by you. You have helped me to find and discover the meaning of true faith. I appreciate all you have done for me and SFC. Ate Chelly: You are the first one I opened up to in SFC. You are the first one to have seen and know about the changes that have happened in my life. I am inspired by your faith. You have been through much yet you never give up on your faith. You encourage me to continue on despite the many challenges we face in life. Continue to stay strong in your faith and inspire others. We miss you here and pray for the best for you and the boys. Ate Dobbie: You lead SFC with abounding faith. Your faith is to be admired. You are such an inspiration to me and everyone in SFC. Thank you for your guiding hand.

5) I am thankful to my SFC family. Everyone in SFC is so amazing. Every one's faith and commitment to God is so inspiring. I have never had a closer group of friends. To everyone I have met in SFC: Thank you for your faith and commitment to God. Thank you for your love and friendship. Let us always remember to stay accountable to one another.

6) I am thankful for my old Naples friends -- Ronald, Anne, Kris, Lindsay, and Jose. You guys are my rock. You are there for me always. Ronald and Anne: You both are true and honest friends. You have taught me how to love and not judge. You have hearts of gold. I have learned a lot from you and I hope and pray for the best for both of you. Kris: We have been through so much and yet our friendship still stands. You are an amazing friend. Your faith is to be admired. Stay close to God. I pray only for the best for you. Lindsay and Jose: I am inspired by your love for one another. You are true and loyal not just to one another but to your friends. I hope and pray for a future full of love, joy, and abundance.

7) I am thankful for old friends -- Chris, Anne, Liz, Clara, David and Taryn. I know I am not the best at staying in touch with you guys, but we have managed to stay connected somehow. I know I can count on you whenever I really need someone. Chris and Anne: To my two oldest and dearest friends. I have known both of you for well over 20 years. Can you believe that? 20 years is a long time. I hope that we can stay close as always. Liz and Clara: To my old college girls. It has been great keeping in touch with you via FB. We have so much more catching up to do. I miss the old days! David and Taryn: I am so bad at keeping in touch. I am glad we do get the chance to talk though every once in a while when I am in Naples. I hope to hear from you again soon.

8) I am thankful for new friends -- Ellen, Deborah, Missy, Mike, Victor, Ron, Shawna, and everyone else I have met recently. I have enjoyed meeting and making new friends. New friends help keep life refreshed and renewed. I have had great times with each one of you. I look forward to more great times together.

9) I am thankful for online friends. I have had the opportunity over the last few years to meet some really nice people online who have been a joy and pleasure to talk to. I am thankful to everyone I have met on the Internet who have been supportive of me on my journey through life.

10) I am thankful for old friends that I am no longer in touch with. There are too many of these to even list, but everyone of them have touched my life and made a difference. I will NEVER be the same person since they came into my life. My life is forever changed and affected by everyone that has come into and out of my life. I am thankful that I knew them at one point and the difference they have made in my life. I am always reminded to make new friends but keep the old. Sometimes it is not possible but we are still changed by everyone we meet. I have cherished every friend I have made whether I am still friends with them or not.

Let us give thanks to all who have made a difference in our lives.

This is my Desire

Group: Hillsong
Song: This is my Desire

This is my desire, to honor You.
Lord with all my heart, I worship You.
All I have within me, I give You praise.
All that I adore, is in You,

Lord I give You my heart,
I give You my soul,
I live for You alone.
Every breath that I take,
Every moment I'm awake,
Lord have Your way in me.

Such a short song, but oh so inspiring. Every time I sing it I am brought to tears.

Lord I give you my heart and I give you my soul. I live my life for you and you alone Father God.

Thy will be done

Who am I to doubt the Lord God Almighty? When God has a plan in mind then He makes it happen. If it is His will, then it will be done. We know. We are taught in the words of the Our Father...Thy kingdom come, THY WILL BE DONE on Earth as it is in Heaven. Isn't that just the truth? I am reminded time and time again that through God our Father there is NOTHING that is impossible. If He wills for it to be done, then it will happen. There will be a way for it to happen. He will make it happen. When we are physically not able to do something for someone else, then He will provide another way through someone else. Who are we to doubt that God the Almighty would not make it happen? Every time I doubt God, He just reveals to me that if it is His will then it is going to happen. But time and time again, I doubt our Lord. Who am I to doubt our God Almighty? Should I not have already learned from the past experiences that God can make anything happen? Through Him there is NOTHING that is impossible. We place all our faith and trust in Him and He makes everything happen according to His will. We need to trust in Him always that He is the one to ultimately provide for us. We must try to live according to His will. We must live as He intends for to live. Let His will be done and not ours. It is not by our will or our way that we are here and things happen. It is only by His will and way that we are here. Who are we to doubt? Who are we to question God when things happen? Everything happens by His will and way. It may not happen how we wanted it or planned, but by how He master designed it. We will see in the end that His will and His way was the BEST way for it to happen. His way was the way that it was meant to be. Live out your life according to His will not yours. Pray that His will be done. When I pray the Our Father, I pray intently on the words "Thy will be done" It is a struggle for us. We are human and we give into our needs and wants, but we know it is not about what we want. Pray that we live our lives according to His will.

Let Thy will be done!

On a side note, Thanks be to God for putting JE in the right place at the right time for His will to be done! (which is what inspired this whole blog to begin with!)

Rest for the body

We are reminded that we need to rest our bodies. We need to relax and take it easy sometimes. We need not try to accomplish everything at one time. God gives us the rest of our lives to evangelize and spread His Good News. I am reminded of this often by friends especially now that I have been go, go, go for the last 2 months non-stop. All of this non-stop go, go, go at work and for God has finally taken its toll on me. I am now sick. It is not the flu or fever but a cold that has me worn out. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. The one good thing is that I am not spiritually exhausted. I could not feel more alive in the Spirit right now. I cannot make up for the times I was away from God. He rejoiced the day I chose to come back home to Him again. I should not try so hard to make others believe. I should not make myself the center or think that it is by my own means or power that people are being called back to the Lord, but it is by His power and will that they are turning their lives back to Him. I can inspire them through my sharing and experiences but I alone cannot sway them to come to know God as I have. The conviction in their hearts comes from God and God alone. He will convict them and create a desire in their hearts to know and seek Him. I must continue and spread The Word and tell others about God but it is up to them and by the power of the Holy Spirit that they shall come to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I am reminded that I cannot do this single handed in one day or a few months. It takes time. It all happens on God's time and by His master plan. So for now, I will step back and let the body rest and relax. I cannot serve the Lord if I am physically not well. My spirit is alive and well, but my body is weak and tired. What good am I to the Lord if I have no physical energy? I am reminded to take a break, step back, and relax. Let things happen in His time. He knows already all the people I will inspire. It will happen by the power of the Holy Spirit and not by my will. I am going to rest the body for now. I will come back again when I am completely healthy and physically ready to serve the Lord with my whole heart, my whole soul, and my whole mind. For now, I need rest. I find peace and comfort in the Lord that I shall overcome this cold and be well in order to continue to do His work.

Please pray for me.

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?

I'll never forget the day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. It was November 6, 2007. I had attended a Life in the Spirit 2 day event at Holy Family Catholic Church. It was all a part of the Life in the Spirit and Charismatic Renewal. I had a chance to hear Father William Halbing speak. I did not know much about what was going to be said, but I knew I wanted to broaden my faith. So I went to check it out. Father Halbing that day was speaking about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. While listening to him I started to get scared. He was telling of the signs of the end of times. He was talking about the Rapture as well as the Antichrist. I began to get fearful. I began to think had I already given into the ways of the Antichrist. Have I been influenced by him and being deceived and drawn to the other side? Would I be left here on Earth when Christ came again? I did not want that. I did not want any part of that. I wanted to rejoice with God in heaven. I want to be taken up to heaven when Jesus comes again. I want to go with the believers. I do not want to remain here on Earth. I want to be with my family and friends that I love and those who have gone before me. I do not want to be left alone without the love of God. I knew that night that I had to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I knew it was through Him and Jesus alone that I was going to be able to enter the gates of heaven. I might not have known it or even thought of it as such at the time, but that is what I was doing. I was accepting Him as my Savior and guaranteeing me a spot in heaven at the end of times. I know that Jesus Christ is The Way, The Truth, and The Light. No one shall come to the Father but through Him. While at the Charismatic conference a few weeks ago for the first time since accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I was able to publicly declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. My life is infinitely blessed having done so. I am deeper and fuller in faith because of it. I am complete with Him and through Him. I will NEVER go back to my life before I knew Christ. It seems so far back and so long ago, but it really was not that long ago. I have always had faith having grown up as a cradle Catholic, but now this faith is my own. I have chosen to live out a life devoted and faithful to God. No one told me to do it. It is a decision I made on my own. I had help with a strong foundation from my parents, but I chose this life. I chose to live a life committed to Him. I had to lose my faith for some time in order for me to find it again. I had to search out and seek Him. I found Him again and He was there waiting for me the whole time. He was calling my name just waiting for me to answer. I am glad I finally heard the sweet sound of Him calling my name. I hope and pray that He continues to call my name and I hear that sweet whisper in my ear.

Doing God's work knows no age

November 8, 2008 YFC Youth Camp

I wrote this about my experience at YFC Youth Camp. The kids there were amazing. They have such hearts for God. I am renewed in my faith through their awesome testimonies and their hearts for God. I look back and I think if only I had the heart for God when I was their age. It is amazing to see and hear them speak of God's love and how they have been changed. I hope and pray that they continue to seek the Lord and hunger for Him. This experience was a quite a unique one. I never expected an experience like this but we should never doubt or question the awesome power of God. He has His master plan and how things are meant to be. We should continue to follow Him and do His will. When you do, He will reveal His truth. He will make amazing things happen. You will see His awesome power revealed right in front of you. You will be amazed just as I am every time God uses me as His instruments. Here is my experience at YFC Youth Camp.

My book is tattered and almost destroyed but by God's awesome power it fell into the hands of two youth leaders -- Angie and Mico. I came to Youth Camp wondering if I could minister to the youth. They are almost an entire generation younger than me. How am I going to minister to the youth? How are they going to understand my experience? How am I going to understand theirs? Well, I realize now that if the Spirit is going to move you, then the Spirit is going to move you regardless of age. While at youth camp I brought my journal just in case anything should come up where I felt I had to write it down. I always try to keep it ready in case I am moved to write. During camp, they had plans to take the kids to Confession and then to Mass. So before leaving for Church I placed my journal on top of my car and without realizing it was there, I drove away. I had not even noticed it was gone until Mico had come up to me at camp after returning from Church. He had a sad and scared look on his face. He pulled me to the side and said, "Ate, we have something that belongs to you." I was confused. I asked what. He said, "We found your journal." Still confused I said, "Oh, I must have left it around camp." That is when he told me that they had found it in the road while walking to Church. That is when I realized I had left it on top of my car when I had driven to Church. He was so scared to tell me that they had read it. He said that Angie and him had found it and read it. He told me they were so touched and inspired. When they first started to read it they did not know whose story it was or if it even was real. They just kept reading. They thought to stop because they thought it might be too personal. But they were drawn to keep reading. They wanted to know how it all ended. They hungered for more. The more they read it, the more they wanted to keep reading it. They wondered if it was real or a joke or even if they were supposed to read it. They did not know whose story it was but they knew whoever story it was then that person was really filled with the Holy Spirit. When they got to the end, they realized whose story it was. Mico realized it was mine because I had told him how I found God through Father Halbing. He read it in my testimony. They realized the story was mine and the story was real. They were touched. They were moved. They were inspired. They thought I was going to be mad or angry. I was not mad. I was not angry. I was glad that God would allow me to minister to them in secret and then reveal that it was me in the end at the right time. It had been some time since I had read what I had actually written in there so while the kids were doing their pray over I had reread what I had written. It was then that I realized how deep and personal it was. I felt a little frightened and scared that they had read something so personal. I realized that they had read about my past and about my days without God. They read about my days of parties and sex. I became afraid for them to have read that and know that about me. Then I realized it was just as important for them to know that about me. It was important for them to know my journey is real and filled with human struggle. Now they knew from my experience what not to do. They may or may not have the same experiences I had, but they know that God will never leave them or forsake them. Even if they turn away from their faith, God will take them back with loving arms saying, "Welcome home my son! Welcome home my daughter!" We know that God rejoices when even one sheep who was missing returns to the flock. I had an opportunity to talk to both of them for a short while about my testimony. You could tell that they were moved and inspired. You could tell that their lives were changed. They even told me that they read it not once but five times. They just could not put it down. They even read it into the microphone so that they could give it the right emotion and feeling as it was written. They just could not put it down. I am glad they found it. I am glad they read it. I am glad that it was revealed to them whose story it was. I am glad that God showed me how I was going to minister the youth. I am reminded to never stop preaching the Good News of our Lord. No matter how old or how young, you will never know who you are going to inspire. We all are able to minister to everyone of all ages -- young or old. If the Spirit is going to inspire you, then the Spirit is going to inspire you. We cannot control how or when the Spirit is going to work.

I have also learned that I must continue to journal into a notebook or on paper. I know now that the Spirit really works through me. I even learned from Angie that my writing changes as the Spirit begins to work in me. You can see when I am no longer in control and it becomes the Spirit writing the truth through my hand and my words on the page. The writing gets harder and harder to read but as I look back on what I wrote I realize I can read every word I wrote and said. As Angie and Mico read it, the Spirit made it clear to them what was written. Angie kept saying that Mico had a hard time reading it at the very end but they wanted so bad to continue so Angie began to read. The Spirit continued to reveal to the the truth that was written in my testimony. It was important for them to have read it. God planned it. Everything happens according to His plan and His will. He is never too early or too late. He is always on time. I am glad He revealed a way for me to minister to the youth even if it was just Angie and Mico. It was to the right people at exactly the right time.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to minister and witness through my writings. Through my writings you reveal your Word. Never doubt the amazing power of God and how He is going to use us. He has a plan for all of us in everything we do. He reveals that plan in His own time. We have to be willing to surrender to God and allow Him to work through us. Help us, Lord, to remember to witness and spread the Good News to all both young and old alike. It is not us who inspires. It is the Holy Spirit.

Let us all continue to minister and evangelize to everyone no matter the age -- young OR old.

(To read the testimony that inspired Angie and Mico see my blog entry on How my faith came to be...from the beginning until now)

James 1: 2-4

Written November 7, 2008 at First Friday Adoration St Margaret Marcy Catholic Church Winter Park, FL


James 1: 2-4

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."



My friend Kenny at work is always reminding me of this passage. Every day at lunch I tell Kenny about my stress and current struggles and every day he repeats this same verse. I think and ponder closely its meaning and what it is trying to teach me. I share with you the teaching in this blog.

I know that living a life faithful and devoted to God does not mean I am free from hard times. Having a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ might sometimes present us with more trials and tribulations. Satan knows that we know and love God and that angers him. He wants us for himself so he will do what he can in our weakness to get us to renounce God and follow him. He desires our hearts as much as God does. He is looking for that tiny opening. He seeks just the tiniest of openings so he can come in and try to get us to turn away from God. Each time we have difficult times in our lives Satan uses that as an opportunity and window into our minds and souls. He knows we are weak and vulnerable. But if we read James 1: 2, we are reminded in our times of trial and difficulty to "Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials..." Still find it in our hearts to praise and give thanks to God. Satan sees this and he is angered. He cannot have our heart because it belongs to God. God claims victory over us and Satan is thwarted again. These trials and hard times are a testing of our faith. They challenge our faith and how we are going to act and react. Satan waits for that moment we might defy or deny God. This is his chance. But instead we give praise and thanks to God for He is good. We even thank God for that trial and hardship we are facing. Have you ever thought to praise and thank God in the bad times? Do we not praise and give thanks to God for the good things and blessings in our lives? It is easy to give thanks and praise when times are good, but what about when times are hard and rough? Do you remember to give praise and thanks then, too? Why do we need to give thanks and praise during these times? It is as James 1:3 says "the testing of our faith produces perseverance" What does that mean? It means are a strengthened and lifted up during these times. We are given strength and courage to continue on. With the help of God we can and will overcome. We are reminded we cannot do it on our own. We cannot get through it by our own means. We must do it with the help of God. God gives us perseverance to get through it and move on. We must let perseverance be perfect. We must let it run its course and take it to the end. It says in James 1:4 "let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." How beautiful is that...lacking in nothing. What does that mean? What is that saying? In that trial and hardship God provides everything that we need. There is nothing that we need to get through it but what God gives us. We know He provides for our every need. So why not so in our times of great trial? Should the Lord not provide us with anything and everything we need to survive this trial? God is an awesome God. God is a great God. He provides anything and everything we need and/or desire especially in our times of trial. He gives us everything we need to persevere through the trial. We are reminded in Psalm 23: 1 "The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing I shall want." The Lord provides us everything we shall ever need or want not only in times of joy but also in our times of trial. Every day I am reminded by my friend Kenny that if I put all my faith and trust in the Lord then there is nothing I shall need or want. Even in times of trial I shall persevere and lack in nothing. I am reminded over and over again in my fellowship and friendship with Kenny how awesome and amazing God is. He provides for all our needs and desires even in the times of need and trial. Through my faith and belief in God and His Son Jesus Christ I am lacking in nothing. I thank God for my friendship and fellowship I am able to have with Kenny every day even if it is for such a short time. I am reminded of the passage Matthew 18: 20 "For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst." I am reminded that even if only two are there in fellowship there the Lord God is among us. I am reminded through God I am lacking in nothing.

Put all your faith and trust in the Lord God even in the trials and you will lack for nothing.

Forgiveness and Loving your enemies

About a week ago, (October 24-26) I attended the Catholic charismatic conference. This was my first experience (and not to be the last) at a charismatic conference. But it was not my first experience with charismatic Catholicism. Having been involved with SFC for the last year I have been introduced to a whole new level of my Catholic faith. One that I have grown deeply passionate about. It has helped me grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. It has helped me to foster the gifts I have received from the Holy Spirit including the gift of tongues and wisdom and knowledge. Through my experiences God imparts teachings about His Word. I share them with you in this blog as I am inspired to do so.

One teaching that God inspired on me is a teaching on forgiveness and loving your enemies. He taught me about forgiveness after hearing Maria Vadia speak at the charismatic conference. She touched on having a forgiving heart. I learned I had a lot of forgiving in my heart to do. The way I had been living out a part of my life was not a forgiving or loving way. He presented this teaching for me to share with my friends Ronald and Anne but I share it here with all of you so we all may benefit and be reminded of our call as Christians.

In the Bible what does Jesus say is the greatest commandment? In Matthew 22: 37 Jesus tell us the greatest commandment is "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." As faithful Christians this might not be a great challenge. What is a real challenge for us as Christians is what Jesus states is the second greatest commandment. In Matthew 22: 39, Jesus says "The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Why is this so hard? Because who do we say our neighbor is? EVERYONE Even those who have done wrong against us. That is our challenge. Jesus also teaches in Matthew 5: 44-48 that we should love our enemies. Our enemies are our neighbors too. Even those who do bad love those who love them so what about us Christians?

Before leaving Naples, I had a friend who had been saying bad things about me. She had slandered my name to all the people I had known while I was in Naples. I was so angry and was so hurt. I tried to forget it but the more I thought about it the more angry and upset I got. Every time I would speak of it I would be filled with anger and hate. I carried that anger and hate inside of me. I may not have let it show, but each time I spoke her name the spark was lit and the fire of anger was burning through me. While at the charismatic conference, after hearing Maria speak, I realized that I was not doing what God had called me to do as a christian. Not only was I not loving my neighbor and enemy but He had reminded me of another passage on forgiveness. In Matthew 18: 21-22 Jesus teaches about how many times we are to forgive. He says, "Not seven times but seventy-seven times." So does that mean after seventy-seven times I can stop forgiving? No. In the Bible the number 7 represents a completeness and totality. We are reminded that we must forgive not just the first time someone wrongs us but each time they do it. God has forgiven us of ALL our sins no matter how many times we sin them over and over again. So how much more for us as Christians to forgive those who have done wrong against us? We must forgive them each time they do wrong toward us. We need to ask God to bless them and grant many blessings upon them. Pray for a conversion of their hearts so that they can mend their ways. If we do not have forgiving hearts then that keeps us away from the love of God. Do you want to be separated from the love of God? Now that we know God and Jesus we do not want to be separated from the love of God. Now that we know true peace and happiness we never want to be separated from that.

So let us have forgiving hearts and forgive not once but each time someone does wrong against us. Remember the words Jesus taught us to pray in the Our Father "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."