Started Sunday, October 26, 2008
Barnes and Nobles Altamonte Mall
14:30
Continued Monday, October 27, 2008
At home
23:55
As written originally by hand and edited by computer
I sit here at Barnes and Nobles after finishing the Catholic charismatic conference. I am recharged and filled with the Holy Spirit. I sit here having to resort to old-fashioned pen and paper to jot down my thoughts and ideas. Having grown up in a very traditional Catholic home, I have never been without God and faith in my life. I was very fortunate to have attended 13 years of Catholic school and had parents who were strong believers who instilled in us the belief in God and Jesus Christ. After graduating high school, going away to college, and being away from Mom and Dad for the first time, I tried to find peace and happiness on my own, by my own means, without God. I still went to Church but only when I was home with my parents for their sake not my own. I had tried to find peace and happiness through parties, sex, and alcohol. I had a boyfriend for 4 ½ years through college and I thought I was happy. I had tons of friends on campus through many organizations. I had gone to the best parties and drank with the best of them. I even had an active sex life, which I never had in high school. I thought I had known happiness but what I knew was only pleasure of the body and flesh. Deep down I only knew anger, hurt, depression and despair. But I was able to mask and hide all that behind the temporary happiness of parties, sex, and alcohol. I was not living a life for God. I was living a life I thought was pleasing to me. I did not know true love. I did not know true happiness. What I knew was temporary and fleeting. One day I decided to turn my life back to God. I started to go back to Church. I got involved in a Bible study through my roommate Eric. I started to get involved in Church again. I became a lector and involved in Newman club. I started to discover God and faith again. I even found Alpha a retreat group through Church where I was able to share and witness about God’s truth. I even had Catholic Student Fellowship where I was able to praise and worship God in a new way. I thought I had it all. I had God in my life again but I was still hurt, angry and bitter. I still had known depression and despair. Something was missing. I did not know it or what it even was. I did not know true peace or true happiness. I did not have that personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I went through life with this faith that I thought was faith filled and inspired faith but it was just the start. The foundation for a faith that was to be alive in the Spirit. In October 2006 I moved to Orlando, FL. It is here that I discovered truth faith and true peace and happiness. I had lived many years in Naples, FL with friends who shared my faith. I was involved in Church and Church related groups. I had faith. I had known faith but it was lacking in something. I still knew anger, bitterness, depression, and despair. I continued to mask and hide it. I was thinking this is the best that it is going to get. I was wrong. God had more in store for me. He had greater plans for me. I did not know it yet but God was preparing me to be a true witness to His awesome power and truth. After a few months in Orlando, I began searching and seeking faith groups where I could continue to grow in my faith and in God’s love. I had heard about a young adult’s ministry in Altamonte Springs through an usher at Church. So immediately contacted them. They sent me email with information on group events. In one of the emails there was information about a talk on single life through another group called Singles for Christ. I wanted to know more about what God had in store for me as a single and how I could move from single to married. So I contacted Juve about the event. God led me to the SFC event. I was not looking for SFC but He led me to them. While I was at this event they handed me an invitation to their upcoming Christian Life Program in April 2007. I did not know what it was about but I thought I’d give it a try. All the while I tried to connect with the group from Altamonte Springs but I was not able meet with them. I was able though to attend more and more SFC events. I had missed a couple of sessions of the CLP but they were gracious enough to arrange make-up sessions for me. I did not know that this would be the start of something great and something new. I did let God continue to guide me. In June 2007 I finally finished all the make-up sessions of the CLP. I had "graduated" from the first step of the SFC formation process. But I was not ready to take on such a group. I was not ready to be a part of a group of powerful believers. I did not think I was worthy enough. My faith did not compare to others in the group. I told Juve at one of the household meetings that I did not think I could be a part of SFC. I had faith but I knew it was lacking in something. I was weak. I was not strong enough. I kept attending households. I kept going to SFC events. The more I attended the more God began to work in my life. The more He began to mold me and create in me anew. I was becoming transformed in Jesus Christ. In November 2007 I attended a Life in the Spirit seminar given by Father William Halbing at Holy Family Catholic Church. He spoke of the Second Coming. After hearing him speak, I started to feel a change. A change in my heart. I began to feel closer to God. I began to feel like the beginnings of a new and transformed relationship with Jesus Christ. I began to feel the healing power within me. The next night there was a healing service. I asked to be healed of my depression and despair and my bipolar disorder. I asked to be healed from painful memories. Father Halbing lay his hands on me and I was overcome with the Spirit. I fell back to the ground. I lay on the ground breathing very deeply. I could feel the healing graces of our Lord running through my body. I knew was being healed. I did not know how deeply but I knew I was being healed by the power of the Holy Spirit. Over the course of the next few months God continued to mold me and heal me. He continued to create in me anew. I was becoming transformed by Him. By May 2008, God’s transformation had really begun in me. I was able to speak His words and truth. I was being used as His tool and His instrument. At the end of CLP that spring, Tina had asked me to give the last talk on Transformation in Christ. I could not have been asked at a better time or moment in my life. I spoke of being transformed in Jesus Christ. I spoke of healing that could only come from God and God alone. After speaking of a faith that was incomplete and lacking in something, I was finally able to speak of a faith full and complete through a healing from the Holy Spirit. My faith was no longer lacking in anything. I have been blessed with many gifts from the Holy Spirit. One of them is the ability to speak of His truth through my witnessing on how He has changed my life. Through my testimony on how I became healed and transformed, I am able to minister to others. I am also able to speak of His truth through teachings that come from God and God alone. They are teachings on His truth. Teachings that are not my words but His teachings you will find in this blog and on my network sites. All of them come from God and God alone. I am not humanly able to write such truth except through faith. My lips, tongue, and writings are blessed by God. His truth is magnified in my writings. It is all of God and not me. No human is able to write in such a way if it were not of God. It all comes from God. Having attended the Catholic Charismatic retreat this weekend I was reaffirmed in faith my calling to minister. I am called to minister through this blog and through SFC. I am called to minister to everyone I meet. I want everyone to see that God lives within me. I want everyone to see that I am a believer. I want everyone to know I am in love with Jesus Christ. I want to be a living example of God's love. I also feel a great call to the charismatic side of Catholicism. It was not a hard transition to charismatic having grown up in a very traditional Catholic home. I felt like I fit in. I feel at home. I feel a greater connection to God and my faith through the charismatic ways. SFC helped start that interest and attending the conference helped to reaffirm it. I am more in love with Jesus Christ having experienced my faith in this new way. I am more alive. I have a greater understanding for Catholicism as a charismatic. I felt caged and cooped up in the traditional Church. But with charismatic I have a greater joy in my faith and a greater love for God. I feel that I am more able to express my faith and show everyone I am a believer. I wear it on my sleeve. I wear it so everyone can see it. It is great to be a part of SFC and charismatic groups. I hope to get more involved and explore it more deeply. My journey with Christ does not end here. It continues on. I am molded and created anew every day. I am transformed in Christ every day. This is just the start. This is just the beginning. I have many years ahead of me and I hope many years of change and growth in the Spirit. I look forward to next years conference. I cannot wait to be recharged again. Praise God! God is good...All the time! All the time...God is good!
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